The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some people have wonderful 3 day weekends as for me I had drunkenness and drama, crisis at my house. My A called Friday and was on his way home at 8:30pm, around 11 or so I called him, of course he doesn't answer his phone blah blah blah....then at 1:30am he calls to say he is staying at his friends, he has to work side job Saturday....okay whatever.....I too had to work Saturday..(Side job) I head home late afternoon, he is not answering phone AGAIN....when he finally calls around 4:30pm or so he wants me to leave the house and meet him at a gas station to "talk" whatever!!!! No way!!! I am emotional wreck, not driving anywhere....well, that made him so mad he threw his cell phone at his windshield.....smart guy huh...phone still works, now he needs new windshield....he comes home...he is furious that my 18 yr old does not have a job!!!! Now, this son had some problems at public school so we withdrew him and have been on a waiting list since March for the Tech. College, to get his diploma and his AA, He went on and on about how he is going to leave due to disrespect this kid shows for him, how he is ungrateful and just a mooch and a punk, after his ranting and raving and my tears, because I know if I have to make a choice between a man and my kids, there really is no choice to be made......then I see him set his alarm....(now my A doesn’t' know that I have an inside track on work he is doing....it was a very small job, 4 windows)....but he says that one window didn't come in and they need to finish job....I also worked Sunday....so he leaves at 7am, I leave at 7:30am. I get done around 4pm or so...call his phone...GUESS WHAT? Yep, he's not answering.....hmmmmmmmm 1 window took 9 hours!!!! So, I'm driving home and thinking....(not good) LOL I think well, if I want to know what his plans for the rest of the weekend are, I should probably ask him.....I stopped by the bar.....LOL It was a Kodak moment....I wasn't mad, just frustrated,,,,,,,he could only say..."oh honey, what are you doing here?" LOL So we went and had dinner and went home, he is also mad because he worked all weekend to pay for a windshield ....Yesterday we were both busy with chores etc.....he finally got my hot tub up and running again....
So I have two months to get my taxes caught up and then I don't care....well I do care, but I refuse to live in fear of a financial disaster because he chooses to leave, his threats are becoming too stressful for me......It is a vicious cycle and I am tired wondering every other weekend if he is going to come home or move out. I did take him yesterday to pick up his car, which we left in town Saturday when we went to have dinner, I told him yesterday that I would appreciate if he is having problems with either of the boys to let me know up front and I would also appreciate if would not call the boys names.
Then on top of all this, one of the things that stuck out from Saturday's argument was that he also told me that he wouldn't be a d*** if he left, we could stay married so the kids and I would have medical insurance, and that he is not a good guy and I deserve better.....my question is this....if he wants out of the marriage so friggin bad, why doesn't he just say so? Why does he have to make everyone so miserable?
Oh yeah, new boundary set also...I will no longer fill his pill box or monitor his pills for his bi-polar disorder.....he was not happy about that either.
Sorry you had a stressful weekend, wouldn't it be nice to just relax?
Do you think he really wants out or is he just pushing until you kick him out?
My "A" likes to make me the bitch, so that way he has a reason to drink, and feel less guilty about it. I have stopped playing into this, so he knows that it isn't me, it is all him. Not saying that I don't lose my temper, I do, but not as much as I used to.
The mind games are hard, but in the end it is all the disease, anything and everything to keep the balme off of them.
Do something nice for you!
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I feel for you.. My weekend wasnt any better. Girl, our lives are so similar it is SCARY. Last week we had an explosion that ended in name calling ( my a calling my son names) and it is his DAD not Step DAD.. It is the disease.. I talked with an attorney and tried to find options. It seems that i cant make him leave. Anyway, JUST KEEP THE FAITH.. .
Keep moving forward, it is better than the alternative..
Remember NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES.. ( I keep reminding myself this)
Mary, sorry to hear about your A--how he behaves when drinking. Sounds familiar, except my A usually ends up getting mad at me because I am disgusted w his behavior. The other night he came in "early" (we were all awake) only because he started drinking earlier in the day. I was trapped for an hour listening to him (he is so talkative when he is drinking and boring). If I show any sign of uneasiness, he gets upset so I have to "pretend" to be interested just to keep the peace (ouch--a wasted [in more than one way] evening). I try not to let him say anything to my sons that is negative...and he doesn't...what he says to me I can take, but he will hear about it when he is sober. He does want to be a good person, but he never apologizes for anything he does under the influence. He has no thought of leaving as I carry the insurance, and I don't think he can handle every-day responsibility on his own. So, right now we are at the stage where we try to be okay w each other, and when he comes home at "2:30 a.m.," I am in my own room. Most nights it is pretty quiet...not much of a relationship, is there. Anyway, take care of you and love your son. Hope this helps a little. Love and blessings, Annie
