The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been trying very hard to let go of things that are not my responsibililty to handle however today I find myself in quite a hard place.
I carry the medical insurance for our family, as my coverage has always been better than that offered at my A's job. Fortuanately I have always been able to maintain coverage on my stepdaughter as well. My A's divorce decree states that he must maintain coverage for her until she is 18. Until 6 months ago she lives with us and had for the past 9 years with little contact with her mother and no contact in the 4 years previous to her leaving. She is now living with her mother. (that is another post). Anyway, in order to remain on my insurance she has to be a full time student. She is 17 and should be going into her senior year of highschool. She is not registered for school and she and her mother refuse to tell us where she will be going. I have a strong hunch that she is going to get her mother to sign consent forms to drop out and go to adult ed. This would make her ineligible to remain on my insurance. My A is her legal guardian and could take a stand, but seems to just procrastinate. I could push the issue but do not know if I should, I am trying to let go, my relationship with my stepdaughter brings me too much pain, having been the primary caretaker for all of these years while both of her "parents" have been wrapped up in their addictions. Is it my job, is it not? I do not know. I fear that in the end it will be my paycheck that has to pay uncovered medical bills, as I am the only one with a paycheck. We own a home, have joint credit etc. I do not know how to let this go and not have it effect ME and my sons financially. I am not willing to risk insurance fraud and lie to the company, I need the stability for myself.
I know this has been long winded but I just cannot seem to sift through it and find and answer that works for ME. Any thoughts????
I am soooooo tired of being the only one who looks at the big picture and how decisions will effect people in the long run. I am well educated and have a great job and have worked hard to get where I am, it is MY security, I could make it on my own if I ever decide that is where I need to be, I am not willing to risk that. BUT.....
Well, I would not lie to the insurance company because when they find out the truth they will refuse to cover her anyway. I think you should let her mother know, in very clear language, that you need information or your step-daughter will no longer be eligible for coverage on your work policy.
You might also want to begin investigating getting her an individual policy. At her age, I might look into an HMO. You might want to speak with an insurance salesperson to find out your best options and get many quotes.
I agree, I would make it clear to both this girl's parents that you need what you need, by the date you need it, or she will not be covered by your insurance, and then back off. You can't make her go to school, you can't lie to your insurance company, and you are not responsible for the medical bills of a child who has two biological parents involved in her life. The hard part will come when she needs care, and of course they have done nothing to get her insurance. I'm a Canadian, I don't really understand your system, but if she has no insurance does it mean she can not get medical care at all, or just not the preferred type?
I understand your concern and YAY for you for caring so much about your step daughter. But really, thers is nothing you can do, except as the others have said; make her mother well aware of the situation, then notify the insurance company. With caring, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I, too, appauld you for being such a wonderful, supportive stepmother to your step daughter. Know that God appaulds and appreciates all you have done for this young woman. She is a lucky girl to have you in her life.
Not knowing all of the details, this is "just a suggestion." Only you can decide knowing what you know about your life but regarding the insurance, can you wait a little bit to "see what happens." What if she changes her mind and wants to come back and live with you? If the insurance company or employer actually asks you, I would not lie; but while she's in transition, if you will, can you take a wait and see attitude? If something happens to her in the interim, you can be truthful and say that you were unsure of your stepdaughter's intentions of where to live.
It is not your job to take care of your hubby's daughter. If you want to, that's completely a different story, but he should be paying for the policy if his work does not cover it. As other's have said, don't jeopardize you and your sons health insurance.
I have found that when I am feeling anxious, I want to make a decision right away to make me feel comfortable. But in Al Anon, I have learned that sometimes sitting still and praying to HP (I call God) helps me not to feel anxious. I hope this makes sense to you.
Remember in Al Anon, we can take what we liked and leave the rest.
Yours in recovery,
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
thank you all so much for your replies. It helps just to know that I am being heard by someone. My A called his ex and she confirmed my suspicion that she was going to sign consent to drop out so that she could go to adult ed. In which case she will not be a full time student and thus ineligible to be insured on my policy. I went back to school last week and part of our beginning of the year packet is an insurance census form. So I do have to let someone know. She has not dropped out, yet she is not registered anywhere. This is all the kind of stuff I used to do as the "parent". But parent turned into B*&^%. and that role got far too tiring. I guess I can wait a bit, my A says he is not going to allow her to drop out, he is the sole custodian. How about one hour at a time......
to you.