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Im not sure what is going on. Yesterday I had a 3 hour talk with my daugher(17) about my husband, her father (an alcoholic). We talked about alot.. cried a bit and I'm not sure that everything I said was the right thing to say. We talked about his disregard for the law, his mood swings, poor eating habits, about his relationship with her and her brother(15) (and the fact that i don't think he is jealous of them.. just of the attention I give them)... and we even talked about the fact that I have told him in the past that if he doesn't get his act straightened up I am going to kick him out.
My daughter last night talked to my son and told him about some of our discussion and also brought up the fact that I was thinking of kicking him out. I don't want them to be worried that I will be kicking him out.... even though my daughter did say it would be nice and quiet. They both know that things run smoothly when he is not around.
I know its good to talk to them because my daughter had so many questions and some of her ideas were wrong. But I just feel so confused now and to where to go with this now. I told my daughter that I was advised not to make any changes in my life (ie. throuwing him out) for at least 6 months after I got into alanon. I know my daughter has a concern for my son (as I do also) turning out like his father. He is the type who I could see being into drinking and drugs. That is scary to me but I'm hoping that him seeing the effect his father has played on our lives that maybe he will think twice before he gets involved in things.... I know this is wishfull thiking but that is all i can have at this point.
I know my talk was a good thing and the right thing to do but why does it feel like such a bad thing? Why am I depressed over it? Where do I go from here?
I could use some advice who have talked to their children as to what they have said and their childrens reactions. I could also use advice as to where to go from here with them.
It sounds like we are in a similar situation. I have two children ( 14 and 16 ) and for years I didnt talk about their fathers drinking problem. About 2 years agoI sat them down and just told them about this horrible disease. We cried and grew closer because of this. Today, I am in a much different place.
I am looking at my options for getting him thrown out .. Unfortunately, in Florida you have to file for divorce before you can force someone out of their home and even then it takes time.
Alcoholism is horrible it has literally sucked the life out of me. I am ready for a change. You know the alanon saying "nothing changes if nothing changes"? Well, i think it is wrong.. If you dont change it will only get WORSE.. ( Just my opinion and experience ) ..
I worked with kids at risk for many years. As far as i am concerned all kids are at risk for one thing or another.
one little girls mom was kicking dad out, A. i tell ya the whole school knew and they were all so sad. this second grader, it was amazing how the kids gathered around her.
i know kids are so scared of what they don't know. They blame themselves if their parents fight. or if they hear, "we cannot afford it." But once we explain things to them and tell them there are always options, they feel better.
A's are very sick people. It is not cruel to tell your kids this. Get alateen literature. read it to them. Look for kids books on alcoholism.
the book, Getting Them Sober is a good one at explaining how we must have them leave the home in order for them to get a chance to be sober.
It is such a hard concept, to show you really love someone you must push them away.
When my A was so awful last night on the phone, i knew it was the disease and after I hung up, I felt myself feeling bettter in time. I mean minutes. reassure the kids that it won't always feel this bad.
When you guys live with out him in the home, if you choose this, things will be calmer and happier. dad will always be their dad, he can call and visit. How ever you want to set it up.
I would not allow him to visit or talk to them drunk. that is just me.
