The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi. I am new here, but I have been married to an alcoholic for 24 years. It has taken me a long time to get here. Part of the delay was caused by the unfortunate experiences I had at the two face-to-face Al Anon meetings I attended many years ago. They were just lots of breast-beating and grieving and no information given on how to live with an alcoholic. The 12 steps are great and I have lived on the fringes of a program (his and mine) for 20 years, been through years of counseling and therapy, with and without my alcoholic spouse. The events of the last eight years, however, have shed new light upon the complexity of my situation -- more about that later. I am 55 years of age and have a 28-year-old autistic daughter who is the light of my life. I have MS, diabetes, high blood pressure,and a heart problem. Now I am addressing the dilemma of whether to stay or leave, and I have a few more factors to consider than in a "normal" family situation. So here I am.
I have been unable to load the chat/meeting page because of the high level virus detection program on my computer, but I do hope to solve that problem soon.
Hello Nell and welcome. Thank you for your well-written post. Addressing a dilemma as concerns life with an alcoholic can be a frustrating, gut-wrenching experience, but in the end we must follow our heads and not our hearts. We stand with you here as you continue on your journey. You will find comfort here, solace, understanding, and kindness. Please come back often.
With great caring, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I am glad that you found this board. I am sory that your previous experience with Alanon was not that great. It took me quite a while to find a group that I felt comfortable with and now call it my home but I have also found other groups that I enjoy going to for a change or when I feel the need for extra meetings. It does take time and it is not alway easy but the effort of working the program is sure worth it every bit!!!
Sure I have days that are not great but I can live and be happy and the change in our house hold is amazing.
I hope that you find the comfort and friendship that I have at MIP.
I am glad you found us. Keep coming back. It does get better.
When I found Al-Anon I was very sick and did not even know it. As I work my program, I am learning how to take care of myself and honor myself in a way that wasn't available as a child. I am constantly grateful for finding this program -- it's kept me from committing suicide at times. It's also helped me find my spiritual path and my sense of self.
I hope you stick around and give Al-Anon a chance. Take care.
-- Jessi
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If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.
This is a good place to come and find support. I have been married for 31 years to a recovering A and it is hard to make decisions when you have so much time invested in a relationship whether good or bad. Your love for your daughter is evident. For me deciding to tolerate poor treatment always revolved around the love of my children and wanting the family to stay together. In the Getting Them Sober action guide (I think that is the name of it) it says that you can decide to stay for the day and decide to leave tomorrow. It is ok to change your mind. Frankly, living with an A changes from day to day. Give Alanon another chance. There is something in it for all of us. If nothing else there is support.
I'm so glad you've found MIP. You are in the right place.
I'm sorry your experience with the face-to-face meetings was not good, but please try again. I did the same thing you did when I first started. I went to a couple meetings and, when no one could tell me how to deal with my alcoholic husband, I quit. But then I went back six months later, found a wonderful sponsor, and I've been in the program ever since.
No one has ever been able to tell me how to get my husband to quit drinking or how to get him to stop abusing me. However, I have learned so many things of greater value instead.
I have learned that I am a worthwhile person, that I am worthy of being loved, and that I don't have to accept unacceptable behavior from my husband or anyone else. I have also learned that, no matter what, I have the love of my Higher Power and the love of the wonderful people in this program, and that's all I need.
I have learned to live on my own, to be independent, and what it means to really love. I have learned that I have choices--that I can find happiness despite what my husband or anyone else does.
If this is what you want, please go back to face-to-face meetings and accept the love you will find there. If one group isn't providing it, try another group. But keep an open mind. Attend at least six meetings at each group before you decide that group is not for you. And know that at each meeting, you can take what you like and leave the rest.
Bless you, and try to be patient. I pray you will find what I have found in this program.
