The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tonight we had a speaker meeting and it was nice to have him come in!!!
I realized something new tonight about manipulation and wow did it hit home with me!!!! I have always known that my hubby manipulates situations to make "it" my fault and so on and so on. Thanks to the program I began to realize this more, but to here it from the manipulator himself, the reasons and everything that went along with it was a light bulb going off!!! I am greatful to be able to have listened to this man tnight and even more greatful to know all of the intentions and to realize for the first time what the alcoholic was really thinking.
Now after the daze is going away I almost feel stupid for falling for all of the crap for so many years but now can put 2 and 2 together. It is amazing when I think about thoes low self esteme days and see that it does not take long for the total loss of myself come to play. I am so glad I have that my self esteme back.
When I came home after the meeting I had so many things that I wanted to bring up with hubby from the meeting but know better and did not. What I take from it is that I really do know better now and working my program is sooooo important because I can NOT immagine living my life like that ever again. This is my program I own it and it has nothing to do with him. I can own up to my part in all of this alot more.
SIL and I discussed the pre alanon days and what we had let our A's convince us of and it was like WOW. Just a head shaking moment.
Thanks for sharing your lightbulb moment :) It gave me one of my own too just now. Only I don't have a sisinlaw to talk to about it. Mine has to do with living my life over the exact way? I know the answer is no. So what about if I am still in the same patterns and all the past years. WEll of course not now that I am in alanon, but since hubby is not doing alaon, do I really want to live the future with him? I don't know if this makes sense because I am on a sleeping pill but I feel I have been numbed and asleep way too long as it is. Time for changes! It is so nice hearing from you jj. cdb :)
I think to further my growth I should go to the AA meetings.
I am still, on a rare occasion, allowing myself to be manipulated.
Not nearly to the extent before alanon when my husband had me convinced that we could not afford a car for me and my salary barely paid the bills. Now that I am on my own I have a vehicle, great apartment and my own savings even, go figure....
in recovery
Megan
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
What a wonderful "light bulb" moment...and your moment shed some light for me too! :O)
I think manipulations are difficult to see at first. For me, it took me awhile to realize what was going on. My A rarely does it, but when he does, my first reaction is to take it all on. Now when I recognize a manipulation going on, I literally put my hand up and say "this is about you, not me" and physically walk away.
You must have been sitting in my backyard when I had my light bulb moment with my husband. We had yelled at each other on the phone a few weeks ago (not mature but we are imperfect). He was fidgeting and I said what are you not telling me because he never tells me anything or lies. He said that because we yelled on the phone that he was leaning towards getting a divorce. The light bulb was brighter than the sun - I thought this is what manipulation is. But I bagged my normal boo hoo reaction and said go for it if that is what you have to do. Yea me for finally figuring it out.
