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since April my husband has been pulling getting disapearing for 2 to 3 days . he says he doesnt need aa he'll stop drinking during the week and he does not have a problem. and then on thursday he comes home with a 6 pk s and acts really stupid and nasty. last week was my daughters 13 b day party/blockparty and he was smashed he was acting retarded i wanted to crawl in a hole at the end of the night he screamed in front of the parents chrissy if you dont throw the cake in the garbage im going to shove it up your a__. i was so embarrassed.then he got even more drunk and was doing shots of rum , he was so drunk couldn't walk and tried to drive i screamed for help and my brother came and ripped the keys out of his hands and keys flew every where then he left the block at 2 am and returned a 4 pm and passed out on the bed. Sunday he was sorry and slept the whole day. this week he was good all week & on thursday he called and asked if he could bring home beer i told him no and he did it anyway he said no on gives him what to do and we fought. friday while i was out he snuck in a 12pk and i flipped when i came home he had already had 7 beers i looked at him and just started crying we got into a very heated argument because i used money for my daughters cheerleading uniform. then his friend called and i said he is at it again and he flipped he didn't want none of his friends to know he was drinking when i asked if he was on drugs he broke his Nextel phone in half wait it didn't stop there we took his keys and he was flipping out he broke the steering column off the car to hot wire it i grabbed the flashlight out of his hands and threw it when he ran to get it i locked the doors of the car he was so mad he said he was going to break the window i told him if he wanted to leave i would call him a cab or he was walking. he left the block once again he went all the way to queens to his moms apartment building and had no keys went to a pay phone and demanded me to bring him his keys i told him no and he called me every name in the book he said he had 1800 dollars on him and he was going to take a taxi and he wanted his car or he was going start breaking windows i took the house key off the ring i took my car keys off and he came in a black taxi car and he was drinking coffee he took all the money in the house even the rent and left me with nothing and took the bank card he came out of the taxi like a tuff a-- and said you got my keys and i just threw them in the street and he just speed away like a little kid and he had to peel out. he has not been home since and he has not even called. i don't understand how some one who loves you can hurt u so much we are togther 4 yrs and september is our anniversary we might not make our third. i am so destroyed.
This disease doesn't go away. The best thing you can do is go forward with your life...get you and your daughter away from this situation. He either will or will not get better, and your actions will not matter.
Everyone here knows the heartbreak and the craziness that you have been through. I know that it is hard to understand the choices they make. The drinking is an addiction, a compulsion that I still struggle to understand because I want to believe that they have a choice. I've heard some here say that they don't have a choice and maybe that's my stumbling block because all change in life starts with a choice. And I just want to kick my husband's butt because he makes the wrong choice every day. I don't believe he struggles with "do I or don't I?" He just does without going through that little exercise because if he stopped long enough to question himself it would just ruin his drinking (a little anyway).
Last night as I walked to my bedroom to go to sleep, I thought that God went over the top when he allowed this particular disease to exist. Damn Eve for opening pandora's box, eating the apple and causing all this to come down on our heads!
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Take what you can use and leave the rest...seeking tranquilityand offering what comfort I can...Claire
chrissy~ I agree that you must look at your future and go forward with your life. I am in a very similar situation. I try to move on in positive ways for myself and my children. Be strong for yourself and your kids. I hope your husband (along with mine and many others!!) will one day make good choices but until them do what you must to to keep your daughter in a healthy house.
Hello and welcome to alanon, do glad you are here, you're in the right place.
Have you been to any meetings? The meetings have helped me so very much, I am alive today only because of alanon and the wisdom I have heard in the meetings. I attend several face to face meetings, and meetings here as well.
Have you ever heard of the 3 c's?
You did not Cause his drinking.
You can not Control his drinking.
You can not Cure his drinking.
When an alcoholic is drinking, they can not think of us. They can only think of themselves and thier next drink. They cannot see how out of control they are, or the hurt that they cause us.
You need to take care of you. You need to do what is best for you and you family.
Keep coming back.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
thank you you guys are great!! my husband called last night and wanted to come home so i told him no i would meet himand we needed to talk. i told him to meet me at the king kullen around the corner he told me to leave in 20 minutes, so i did i waited from 7:30 until 9:10pm& he never showed. i was devistated. i rent from my brother & he told me he did not want him back in the house. i was crying i felt bad that when my husband needed me most i could not be there to support him. so i had all his clothes packed. i could not sleep 8:00am this morning the phone rang & it was him. he was around the corner so i met him we talked he agreed to get help and i called him in sick because we cant afford for him to lose his job. i know i shouldn't have done it but i did. he came to the house and talked to my brother and my brother gave him one more chance without discussing it with me and let him in. i feel torn & don't know what to do.i don't know how i feel about this man anymore & i feel horrible. he is my husband is there something wrong with me? i told him he has to go to aa tomorrow and he promised he would he is still sleeping right now talking in his sleep. i hope to god he can do this. i know i can't live like this anymore that is for sure. he appoligized to my daughter also. i feel like im in a fog ,bad nightmare. i just want us to be happy again
