The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well that is kinda a lie since there are eight dogs, a few cats and a pot bellied pig asleep in here...
Day started "normal", here is my Eden post today:
Ok I wake up and Sauveur, my huge Great Pyrenees,has me crammed into the wall with Sparky kitten sorta between us, lost in his fur. I feel something under me and thought it was my glasses. Was my bracelet Raini made me. It was all stretched out??? I get up and feel sticky....
I look and I had slept on a fudge cicle. Well I could not figure out how a fudge cicle got in my bed, I don't even have any. duh,,,, it was my tofutti monkey bar I had slippped under my covers last night to keep frozen while I ate my dinner...geez I look like I have been mud wrestling in my white nightgown with the tiny purple dots. My flowery sheets are all muddy as is the feather comforter.
I hear a bang and Estersue, my 1200 pound farm pig, has crossed that line of coming in the door. She came into the den. I took pictures of course and asked the huge pig to go back out. She got her snackies, which was dumb on my part as NOW she will do this regularly to get her pic taken and get snacks.....
The phone rings, it is early.....some guy about my visa card. i pay religiously every month the 22 to the 25th. Well all of a sudden they changed the due date. I am now 5 days late, overpayment charge, owe double my usual payment which all put me over my tiny credit limit, overpayment charge, now a HIGH risk customer, in collections, raised my interest rate......He tells me i did not pay junes payment, i freak and said I always pay!! Oops I was wrong he says, you paid it but not the amount due....i freak, oops I was wrong you paid the correct amount...
Then explains all the above....I am totally freaked. i was given this card by my bank. i did not even ask for it. I decided to build my credit up since A's mess, and use it.
I tell him he is rude and unprofessional and ask to talk to his supervisor. She tells me I can have my date due changed, but customer service probably won't do it as I am a HIGH RISK client now. rrrrrr
I call customer service, the gal calls me a liar... so I talk to her supervisor, This lady, changed the due date, took all charges off and apologizes for the call. Oh and lowered the interest.
I talk to her superior and tell them how wonderful she was, as she listened to me. he asks me what he can do to help me further, I said,"Go to collections and put a piece of tape on Russ's mouth." Gads what a way to start my day.
love,debilyn wondering how to tie a hangmans noose and is the beam in the barn strong enough???
Well this is how it all started. Then later i have one of those, ohhhhhh thats where I layed my pop cicle.....was on the counter by the screen door I had to fix since a big snouter came thru it.
My A called yesterday and told me he has always missed me and never stopped loving me.wonderful.
I told him I feel like I will be living alone forever. I was born an animal lover. I mean it is like a part of me like my arm. I have been rescuing since i could walk, dragging cats home who were dumbed up at the little store.
Growing up I rehabbed sheep farmers left in fields to die. rehabbed birds, opossoms, cats burned in field fires, lost dogs, on and on.
Always was bottle feeding something. once had ten or more kittens bottle feeding at once.
All rescues. When i got married i did not do anything different. But was more careful as I had to consider I had someone else in our home to consider. My A loves animals, but when he lost his sobriety due to a medical relapse, he got so uptight. We moved to ' the country. i had five acres to fill....
he built me the neatest barn. I designed it just how I wanted it. But he got where he would say a rescue was fine, then cuss me out and abuse me becuz i did it????
I was feeling so empty, mother died. he was nuts. I went crazy with my rescuing. i mean i was working hard out there getting people and animals out of messes. We are talking horses cows and huge pigs now.
i placed hundreds in new homes now just have my own and the handicapped and old ones.
It dawned on me that he only cannot live here becuz of my animals, says he always felt second. The dawning was I cannot change that i am me, love me, love my dog.
I did not vow to love him thru it all unless you relapse and abuse me. I vowed thru it all, as he did.
But he does not want to live with me becuz i have a passionate relationship with flowers and animals. WELL JUST SLAP ME FOR PETES SAKE!!
i told him, even if i did not have them, your disease would find something else to attack me about. I also told him how his mom told me not to stop my rescue. Well of course it was becuz she knew he would not come back unless I did. And she wants him to be her sick husband/son.
So today was a day I got thru living alone. i know I am not alone, but I do have to live alone. just so wierd to me, he has known me since I was about 16. He knew me. It just floors me how he really didn't. i told him you don't get it, I don't just love animals, they are part of me like the wind. i go to someones house and if they have a pet that is where I am.
i would never consider sleeping in a room with out my big dog. no way could i sleep.
I have never in my life not had a cat and dog or cats and dogs in my life. i am a tidy person. My house always smells nice. i mop and sweep every day. i love a clean house My yard is flowery and nice, nothing laying around, pooty picked up.
I ask him what in the world do they take from you? What in the world did you ever go with out? he cannot answer. I spoiled him. i loved it. he spoiled me too.
Alcoholism is so horrible. I wish I could cure my A so badly. I wish he could be happy like he used to be, I want to be with him so bad.
took my rings off again. i just cannot have anything around to remind me of him. Does someone want to trade hearts with me? Then we would not have them inside us any more.
can a person be in love with their husband, yet never see him, and maybe love another man? i don't mean sex either. I mean i wonder if i could remarry someday and be able to love that man as my husband.... dumb question as i have not been able to do that all my life. i had so many boyfriends, a doctor,a teacher, a guy who layed carpet,an electrician, a carpenter, nice guys who asked me to marry them. i could not do it. i wanted my A. i did marry the carpenter, i was pg with A's child, he got drafted. So I married the carpenter
i had a love for him, he was a beautiful man/child. Ended up getting drunk and ran over and died leaving me with a four and five year old.
A came back, got a r order, did not see him for ten years, was alone. he came back sober, got married, brain tumor, is brain damaged and relapses....now here I am.
Would not change a thing about marrying him. But crimany why can't I move on????????????????????????
I know you guys are sick of me asking this. Can i have brain surgery and havem cut out the memory link that has his name on it????
OH well better get in bed and check under the covers and make sure I did not hide something in there again.....lol
If citibank calls again i am going to say just a minute i will go get her and leave the phone until they hang up......just like i don't open mail i don't want to read....I pay my bills i am talking about stupid stuff.
sigh, thank you for listening, love,debilyn who loves sleeping next to Sauvey who is like a huge polar bear.
I have only one question to ask debilyn...Is your house on a concrete slab? The weight of a 1200 lb pig is a lot to ask of pier and beam construction. LOL!! Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
"Can i have brain surgery and havem cut out the memory link that has his name on it????"
I know whatcha mean! Have you seen a movie called "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"? It is a movie starring Jim Carey among others. I watched it recently. In this movie a process has been developed to "erase" someone from your memory and both Carey and his girlfriend have the procedure done. I found it interesting.
And it sorta hit home with me, cuz ultimately, they regretted doing this.
Sometimes I wish I could "erase" my ex wife from my memory too. But, then again, I guess I would only want to do it if I could be selective about it, and keep all those precious good memories that I have in there of her and some of the really great moments we shared.
sigh............
As to those credit card folks...fttttttppppppppphhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
I am glad you finally got to someone who helped you . So many of those folks dont seem to understand we are doing THEM a favor using their cards and not vice versa. I have just stopped using cards that didnt give me courteous professional service, and just transferred their balance to another card and cut them up!!! There's always a better deal out there somewhere anyway.
Ohhh the credit card thing....grrrrr. Hubby has a VS and MC by the same company. We too have always paid on time. Well, not so long ago, I get the new bill, and the credit card number is changed! Plus my last payment does not show on this bill and there is a late charge applied plus an interest charge. I freak out - start thinking identity fraud, etc. I pick the phone up and call them to ask what in the world is going on. Well, they had sold out to someone and updated all their customer cards with new numbers, told me our new cards were in the mail, that the old cards were still good until we activated the new ones. I say okay fine, it would have been nice to have been notified of this before the fact and then proceed to question why my last payment is not showing and why we have late charge and interest charge (our balance with last payment made should have been zero). They tell me the date they received my payment. I tell them, well, I sent my payment electronically thru my bank to the address on the bill that month. I have proof of the date it was received. That was the only address I had since there had been no pre-notification of any changes. It was not my fault they changed their payment address without notifying their customers, and therefore making all those payments late by having to be forwarded to new address. I have to go thru several supervisors before finally getting satisfaction. Late charge and interest charges removed. But what a rip-off! How many other of their millions of customers simply paid the extra $15 to $25 dollar charges?? Just think about it. Multiply the amount of late charges by amount of customers. What a rip-off scam!! Sure glad I stood my ground on this one - hope others did as well.
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
