The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This past July my bankruptcy was discharged...an after effect of something I had to do when I left my ex. For 7 yrs I have been trying to rebuild my credit but it is hard. I have always had to rely on someone to cosign.
I have done what I can to keep my finances in order...knocking down my 3 credit cards to one, making my payments on time for my car and what not.
I have a few medical bills and some other things that I wanted to just take care of in one full sweep. Yesterday I decided that I would try to apply for a small loan (3k) to get this stuff taken care of. It would be one less hassle for me to deal with and one less thing to rely on my A for. No expectations, no disappointments I kept telling myself.
I got a call from the bank and they asked me all these questions. I was nervous and was thinking that oh well..here we go again. I didn't get a call yesterday so I resolved the fact that it didnt' go thru.
I JUST GO THE CALL AND I AM APPROVED! Approved on my own w/out having to use the house as collateral! My A. doesn't even have to know about it and it is a step for me to be independent and take care of myself. I feel like I did it on my own and it came at the perfect time! I think of all those times when I tried the past few years only to have it fall thru and know I wonder if it just was meant to happen when it was suppose to happen!
I meet w/the banker at 1:30 and tomorrow the mailbox will be full of accounts paid in full!!! :O) :O) :O)
THEN.........my sponsor called me earlier and I was telling her about how I just don't want to go to dinner w/my A. Saturday. How I am dreading it. How I don't want to face him and tell him that I want a 6 month seperation while we both work on our recovery. She asked me if I would look at it as an opportunity that my HP put in front of me allowing us "kid free" time, in a public place and where I can be honest and open and let him know what is going on w/me. I never thought of it that way before. I was thinking of it as HIS opportunity to wiggle his way back into my good graces and try to put the focus on our marriage instead of our recoveries. Perception..it's all about perception. I have my opportunity Saturday to come clean, be honest and work forward.
AND....hehe...my day started w/a 5:30 am call from a good friend of ours who is in AA and NA. I answered the phone all groggy and after he allowed me a few minutes to "wake up"..he read me the reading for today. Now THAT is a way to start your day!
Lesson for today...I CAN BE HAPPY WHETHER THE ALCOHOLIC IS DRINKING OR NOT. My happiness does not rest in his hands. I am gonna savor this moment.
