The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
----------- Last night we made plane to go out after work. We were going to go out to eat, his choice, and just have a family night. He called me from the road and said 30 minutes, and told me he ahd to drop the work van off and then he had a ride home. I didn't like the sound of that, because the guy he works with is married to a meth cook. But I said, ok hun see you in a few.
We waited until 6:30 (or whatever time it was that I left the meeting last night, so for leaving early.) and then I made my children a thrown together dinner. We have a 6, 3, and 2 year old. I am angry that I kept them waiting so long for dinner. So that rushed the whole evening with bath time and bedtime.
After I put the kids down I called him in the cell, of course he didn't answer. I left a message stating that when he was ready to come home, that we needed to talk. I didn't yell, scream, rant. I simply said we need to talk. I hung up, and didn't try to call him anymore.
I then came to this board and made some posts. And got ready for bed. I slept pretty well and woke up and came to work.
I am hurt, but my own expectations are what hurt me. I am angry that he went to that house, knowing what was there. I am angry that once again I have to watch him chose something else over his family. I know in my heart he didn't set out to hurt me, that is ust a reslut of his actions.
I am proud that I went to the meeting last night. I am proud that in the midst of concern for my "A", I was able to share. I am proud that I feel no more anger. I am not worried as to where he is. I am not worried about when he will finally come home with his tail tucked between his legs. I know this has nothing to do with me, so I need to continue to focus on myself and my children. His actions have everything to do with him, and the demons he has invited into his life.
It is so hard watching him go down hill. Especially when he has a rusty set of recovery tools in his toolbox. But I cannot make him use them. I cannot do anything for him, except love him and treat him with respect, and all the empathy I can give him.
It is not easy to be loving and Kind. Sometimes I want to yell, scream, rant, and act like the wounded party. That does no good. It doesn nothing, but make the distance between us even bigger. I get nothing out of it, and he doesn't need to feel any worse than he already does.
I am going to stop for now, I am not really sure what I said, if it made sense, or really why I even said it. I feel better, and that is a good enough reason for me. i guess I needed to release some of my negative feelings.
Much Love,
-- Edited by Dolphin123 at 12:23, 2005-08-23
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Dolphin, it all make lots of sense and the same thing happened to me over the weekend. We made plans on Friday, he was suppose to take a shower and get cleaned up and call me back, but somehow the joint was there. I know it is not directed at me, but I do let it hurt me. The thing I do different now is I don't let it control me. I always have plan B with the A. My plans with him for dinner did not work, so out to dinner with my friends I go. It might not be the way I would like it, but atleast now I don't sit at home waiting for something that is not going to happen.
It was very good you went to a meeting. When I am hurting and don't want to go to a meeting is when I need it most.
WOW, Reading your post has really made me think about my reactions when my A has not come home, or he's had a night of binge drinking and shows up at 7am. In the past I've gotten so angry and reacted with much anger, resentment, and hatred. It didn't help then. Basically, he could not comprehend the feelings I was having all he could think about was going to bed or throwing up. I see now from all these posts that I can control my mouth, I can refrain from exploding on him. It hurts, its so disappointing when he lets us down. I'm going to try having a plan B when he blows me and the kids off. Thanks for sharing it's really helped me get a clearer picture of my own reactions. Keep it up and stay strong!!
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Last night we made plane to go out after work. We were going to go out to eat, his choice, and just have a family night. He called me from the road and said 30 minutes, and told me he ahd to drop the work van off and then he had a ride home. I didn't like the sound of that, because the guy he works with is married to a meth cook. But I said, ok hun see you in a few. 
