I went to an AA meeting tonight(not my first) well it was a good meeting and I felt as though I was meant to be there kind of like a home.  Comfort!!!  well I don't know about any of you but I have found it easier for me to talk to friends from AA more openly and I always feel more grounded after I call my AA friends or go to AA meetings.  Anyway  I do get alot from alanon and it has saved me BIG TIME especially with my sanity. I take my alanon program very seriously and work my program the best I can.

I shared at my regular meeting a couple of weeks ago that just before I found this room I was spiraling out of control literally.  Well my dad brought it to my attention that I was drinking pretty heavely first thing in the morning till the afternoon and then heck afternoons turned in to margareta afternoons, I was the queen of the blender.  Any way when my dad mentioned my drinking to me and the fact that I was driving my kids to school in this condition I merely said that I was not intoxicated and that it was fine.  I noticed how hipocritical I sounded at my self and that was the last day that I have had a drink December 25, 2004. 

Getting to my point of this post.  I have been struggeling with the fact that it was easy for me to give up the drinking because of my fears of hurting my kids and how irrisponsible I was being and for the fact that my husbands drinking bothers me so much when I let it.  So tonight at the meeting there was this girl who shared 4 months sober and having cravings well she came up to me at the meeting and said how she felt our stories were so simmilar that how "If you can't beat them join them" came in to play in her life. The Big differene was that I woke up and she did not. and lost her kids.  I am soooo greatful that my dad had the talk with me and that I found this room because I could never immagine my life with out my kids.  And that was the direction I was headded.  Thank you to all of you that helpped me thoes months ago!!!

I have never before alanon taken a look at myself and been so confused as to my drinking being a problem but now it is something that troubles me soo much.  I know for sure that I will never drink again.  But this weighs heavy on my mind.

I think my HP introduced me to this meeting for just this purpose.  It is AA but alanon as well it began as a couple group the Alcoholic and their spouses but anyone is welcome now and kids are allowed to come and play. I think that it is a great idea and the old timers said that it helpped to bring conversation back into their lives.

I am just greatful for this meeting tonight and I think that it will be a good one to continue going to as well as my regular Alanon meetings.

Oh I just wanted to say that earlier today hubby said that he was not going out tonight.  I waited until 4 to tell him I had plans to go to this meeting and asked if he would like to join me.  It would have been his first meeting, well he was hesitant but was going to come and then chickened out and did go out.  I was thinking for a minute that HP was just waiting for him to take the step with me but hubby didn't and I didn't force it.

This post is probably alot of mumble jumble there is alot going through my mind right now.

thanks for listening

Love in recovery
JJ