The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
why that every time that i get mad at my alcoholic mom that 5 minutes later i feal guilty. i feal so not powerful, its like she has a power over me. how do i control these fealings?
I struggled with this until I fully admitted that I was powerless over alcohol. I did not start my "A"s drinking, nor could I stop it. I then gave my "A" and all his troubles over to my Higher Power. I had to focus on me, so I gave my "A" over to someone who loves my "A" just as much as I do.
Something else that helped me to let go, was the fact that I recognized that Alcoholism is a disease. Just like cancer, and I wouldn't treat my "A" cruelly if he had cancer. I would treat him with love and compassion and be supportive of him. I still sometimes slip and get angry with him, living with alcoholism is not easy, and I am human. When I slip I make ammends.
Going to meetings helps me learn tools like detachment, what he does need not affect me if I don't let it. Sharing at meetings helps me to discuss something that is going on with me with people who really listen. If I need to vent I call my sponsor and/or come to this board and psot what is going on in my head so I don't blow my top with him.
I hope you find the peace and serenity of this program.
Keep coming back.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I hope the below helps you to let go of the guilt:
Letting Go of Those Not In Recovery
We can go forward with our life and recoveries, even though someone we love is not yet recovering.
Picture a bridge. On one side of the bridge, it is cold and dark. We stood there with others in the cold and darkness, doubled over in pain. Some of us developed an eating disorder to cope with the pain. Some drank; some used other drugs. Some of us lost control of our sexual behavior. Some of us obsessively focused on addicted people’s pain to distract us from our own pain. Many of us did both: We developed an addictive behavior and distracted ourselves by focusing on other addicted people. We did not know there was a bridge. We thought we were trapped on a cliff.
Then, some of us got lucky. Our eyes opened, by the Grace of God, because it was time. We saw the bridge. People told us what was on the other side: Warmth, light, and healing from our pain. We could barely glimpse or imagine this, but we decided to start the trek across the bridge anyway.
We tried to convince the people around us on the cliff that there was a bridge to a better place, but they wouldn’t listen. They couldn’t see it; they couldn’t believe. They were not ready for the journey. We decided to go alone, because we believed and because people on the other side were cheering us onward. The closer we got to the other side, the more we could see and feel that what we had been promised was real. There was light, warmth, healing and love. The other side was a better place.
But now, there is a bridge between us and those on the other side. Sometimes, we may be tempted to go back and drag them over with us, but it cannot be done. No one can be dragged or forced across this bridge. Each person must go at his or her own choice, when the time is right. Some will come; some will stay on the other side. The choice is not ours.
We can love them. We can wave to them. We can holler back and forth. We can cheer them on, as others have cheered and encouraged us. But we cannot make them come over with us.
If our time has come to cross the bridge, or if we have already crossed and are standing in the light and warmth, we do not have to feel guilty. It is where we are meant to be. We do not have to go back to the dark cliff because another’s time has not yet come.
The best thing we can do is stay in the light, because it reassures others that there is a better place. And if others ever do decide to cross the bridge, we will be there to cheer them on.
Today’s reminder: I will move forward with my life, despite what others are doing or not doing. I will know it is my right to cross the bridge to a better life, even if I must leave others behind to do that. I will not feel guilty, I will not feel ashamed. I know that where I am now is a better place and that is where I am meant to be.
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
