The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It took me a while to get the nerve to get started here, so now I sit wondering what to say! I do want to thank another member of this group, (who I met thru another group we belong to) for leading me in the right direction of seeking the help I need of living with an "A". I'm not able to attend a face to face meeting in our area, so having people that are in the same situation I'm in, "on-line" is still a "Godsend" to me!! This is the 2nd time I've married the man (long story), in the past 3 years, and I'm just at wits end about his drinking problem. Last year, a woman I worked with, gave me the book "One Day At A Time In Al-Anon", but I hid it in the closet from my husband and forgot all about it until just recently. I pray first for God's help, keep a journal now, and read the book in secret. Holding it all in, and just wanting to leave the situation for good this time, but not having anyone to talk to about it, is the worst part. Last weekend my husband and I had a really big argument about his drinking. When he told me "he'd quit when he was ready to", well...that just did me in right there, and I decided "that's it", I'm not living like this the rest of my life"! I have got to do something!! Leaving him is not an option right now, and when he told me to "get out" last weekend, I wished I would have now, money or no money!! He is on "disability" and I work part time as a sub school bus driver. I moved here to Kentucky, away from my family and friends for this? It is 5:45am and I'm on the computer, because he passes out at night, and this is the only time I feel at peace, and have time for just me! His parents live next door to us, and his dad used to be an "A" also. I can't believe the "horror stories" I hear from other family members, about my husbands up-bringing! I can see how he turned out like his dad! The big difference between the two tho, is my husband isn't a violent/mean drunk. He's just plain immature acting, embarrasing in public, and just gets on my nerves BIG TIME!!! I watch month after month how much money gets spent on beer, and on whiskey, and it drives me crazy!! on top of that he's got Valum, Methadone, and I can't think of the other prescription pain killer!! I can't understand how a body can hold so much of this stuff, day in and day out, year after year!!! He hurt his back on the job about ten years ago, and receives disability now. He tells me he's going to buy property and build us a house!! He probably could if he recycled all the beer cans! But I'm smart enough to know it's not going to happen and I need to get on with my life,and let him live his. His mommy and daddy can take care of him...because they aren't any help either. We are living rent free on their property. Do you want to hear something really scary? My husband falls asleep in bed all the time smoking!! I don't know how many times I've told him to stop it, and he still keeps doing it! So, I expect to wake up in the middle of the night, on fire, eventually. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll live to talk about it. Well...I need to go for now, I started out saying I didn't know what to say here, and now I can't stop! <LOL> I look forward to being able to chat and get to know everyone. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for letting me join the group. God Bless and Good night/morning!! Sincerely, Korinne
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
Korinne Welcome to the Alanon family. I am also sorta new to Alanon but I am lucky in that my husband knows about it and he's supportive. It's a really distructive disease. And nobody can control it, all we can do is control what we do. If you have decided to leave your husband, go somewhere where you can have the support you need. Move to where your family membres are and where you can go to meetngs. Even when we are no longer in the situation we were in, it still sticks with us. I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, and I have spent my whole life fighting this disease until I came to Alanon and realized that I dont have to fight it (because I cant win). I can learn to live with it and understand it more, and be happy with myself. My husband and I have our ups and downs, sometimes I cant imagine living another day with hima nd others I cant imagine a day without him.And sometimes I can work with Aalnon and not let his drunkeness bother me and other times I have a set back and I blow up at him (which never turns out well). Just hang in there and you can send anyone on this site a private message if you need to, and keep posting boards cause it really helps to get the insight of all these people who have been doing this for a long time. Oh by the way, I am reading the same book, it's a good one.
Welcome~ I am glad you came and let it out! That is what we are here for.
Another great book is,"Getting Them Sober." Volume one is my favorite. It helps me so very much.
I have been coming here for around five years now. It has taught me so much, and alanon changed my life for the better.
My A left awhile back. He has been back and forth so many times. I made sure now I am totally independant of him. He is in the latter stage of alcoholism and lives at his enabling mommies.
Thru alanon I learned serenity, surrendering, one day at a time the whole thing. I learn more and more too as i keep reading everyones comments.
It does get easier as we learn about the horrible disease. We learn how to focus away from it.
There are also awesome meetings in the chat room. The chat room is fun and also available for immediate help.
glad you are here, keep coming back!! Love,debilyn
Sincerely, Korinne