The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just talked to my A. On Fridays he deposits his check in the bank, I left him a voice mail this morning telling him, take his weekly money and the extra amount I needed for the week, a donation for the family of the funeral we will attend tomorrow, and his haircut money. I call the bank and estimating what I told him he could take there is another $100 not deposited. What the heck. So I call him, and of course this is his weekly bar night. I asked if his check was short and then he explains he took extra in case we wanted to do something this weekend.....NOT!!!! OH yeah and he "owed" his buddy money because he went out extra last week and borrowed money from him!!!!! I told him, oh that's nice, I have already mailed the bills!!! Now I will be the one to figure out what to do so the bank account is not overdrawn. I told him I was very very ANGRY! His response...."I'm sorry...." The irresponsibility is driving me nuts!!!! I will work a side job on Sunday, which should have been my weekly money for next week, now will go to cover his drinking expenses! I am working so hard on being responsible financially, why is he sabotaging me?
I feel somewhat better, trust trust trust in the HP and it will be fine.......
We have to let them be, do their thing and focus on ourselves, but we can't always do that. How can you keep your bills paid and at the same time not enable him by working to pay for his behaviors.
Hang in there. You sound like you are pretty together but I can understand your frustration.
My husband takes out cash advances on the credit card...I get the bill as the end of the month.
Last month between what he charged at the convenience store for mostly beer and cigarettes(he runs a tab) and the three $200 advances, he tallied up just over $1000.
I blew like Mt Visuvius (not sure of spelling, but you know what I mean!!)
And here I am...just got a job which will pay about $2000 a month.
I've been told to get a separate credit card, but it still won't make a difference. The bills will have to be paid whether separate or not.
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Take what you can use and leave the rest...seeking tranquilityand offering what comfort I can...Claire
I hate when that happens, my "A" does that sometimes. What I did is not an optioin for eveyone. I got rid of all the extras, just the basic needs are met, we own our car so we don't have a car payment. I take care of everything, and what he brings in takes care of any extras, like cell phones and cable or going out.
There was a few times that he really put us in a hurt situation in the past. And oh how I resented the power he had. If he wanted to go out instead of being responsible, it meant no gas, or a few times no diapers for the baby. This was when I wasn't working, so he had total control over the monies. One day he came home and our oldest was wrapped in a t-shirt (his of course) because I ran out of diapers the night before, and he didn't come home. When he finally came home, I made him go pick her up, and told him that his wants caused her to go with out. (This is all way before I even heard of alanon.) I also told him if he ever did that again I would leave. I am very thankful I never had to follow through on that one. It was said in the heat of anger.
I know this is difficult, but one day at a time and you'll get through it.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I totally understand where you are coming from. This month has been a bad one. My addict has spent 250.00 so far on drugs. Usually I never see what he spends because he usually uses his extra tip money for it. Not his regular paycheck. Now our savings is being tapped into. And there isn't much there! I was so pissed yesterday, I just told him calmly that I was very angry and proceeded to clean the entire apartment, on my hands and knees washing the floors, etc.! and to leave me alone for a while. He did, thank HP.
On Thursday, A has to see parole officer, so he cannot use drugs for three days next week. Believe me he will be a monster!!!! Hopefully he will have to work and not be home. Otherwise I will be planning on avoiding him and praying A LOT!!!!.
I know how you feel hon. Hang in there. You are doing a great job!!!!!!
