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My A was doing pretty good over the last several months, he finally gave up the whiskey, was drinking a beer here and there, mostly on the weekends but not getting drunk! I have been really proud of him. I even felt like my life was becoming manageable again. It has felt so good not to be angry with him and crying everyday. But tonight he blew 31 days!!! I had to call him at our shop because one of our employees had a problem with a truck and low and behold he was drunk. I know he is drinking whiskey because he is such a "YOU KNOW WHAT" when he drinks that crap. Totally different person when he drinks beer. He was all upset at me and the driver, its not our fault the tire blew out!!! Well we got it handled and he is not mad now because he did not have to take him a truck, but he does have to change the tire because he needs to use that truck in the morning, serves him right, now he wont be home till around midnight, (these are really big trucks and tires, no easy feat to change)
He has decided to have the gastric bypass surgery, so I have been right there with him thru all of the weight management classes (18 of them) 2 psychologist meetings, food diarys you name it we have to do it, but I told him he had to stop drinking or I would not support him, this is why he has been doing so good, he is really commited to doing this he says he has stopped the whiskey alltogether, he does not need it or want it anymore and knows how much trouble it has caused. After tonight I am really scared he wont be able to do this and not drink, we have several friends who have had it done and one of them has turned into an alcoholic by substituting wine for food , 2 bottles a day after she gets home from work she seems to be drunk all the time. Scares the beejeebers out of me. He knows my fears we have talked about it some. He gets stressed out and gets agitated and wont talk about it anymore.
I keep asking HP for strength for both of us because this will be his last chance to get himself together before the operation. He is a very strong person and has always been able to do anything when he really wants to, I see the utter determination in him for this surgery, but I cant help being afraid of the hold that the alcohol has on him, can he really do this? Can I really do this? Our lives will be forever changed, again, only for the better this time I hope!
I am going to go to bed now so I wont be up when he gets home, I had "almost" forgotten what is was like to not want to be around him. We just celebrated our 25th wedding aniversary on tuesday and things have been excellent for the last couple of months, at least he gave me a good aniversary present and waited a couple of days to do this.
(((((((((((Hugs & Prayers)))))))))))) to you both. I am a recovering A and memeber of Alanon. He did not blow 31 days - he had a slip, a mistake. The seed of recovery has been planted and he knows what he needs to do. That is a GREAT thing & give him credit where credit is due.
I am not making excuses for him - just trying to get you to see both sides. I am sure deep inside he feels worse that you do. I know the hurt, deflated pride & ego, dissappointment and guilt he feels deep inside for this. All a's feel this. AA interfers with our drinking and we feel the guilt badly. Thats what I mean by the seed being planted - AA.You did not make him stop the first time and can't make him stop at all.
You have been such a Strong support for him. God Bless you and give yourself the deserved credit for that. That takes a lot of courage, love, understanding & patience. Good for you - be very proud of yourself for these wonderful gifts you have and thank God for them.
Keep your faith strong, keep supporting him, keep doing you program as great & mindful as you have been. We can not predict the future. We will all be praying for you & him that he finds his way back. Sobriety is tough. Be strong ^ God will always be with you.
You are a tremendous & loving person to be able to suppot him so much. Keep it up.
One thing alanon can do for you, is to give you management of your own life, no matter what he does. I know that it's hard, and can seem impossible, but your life is your life, and can be good or bad, whether he drinks or not. Keep coming back, we have all been where you are.
You sound so supportive of your spouse, Alanon will help you to take care of you but you mentioned that you have went to all these appointments with him, maybe you could go to an AA meeting with him. I live with an A and work at a treatment center and I know that sometimes just having some extra life skills help people when they want to stop drinking/using.
Oh I have been there, I know that heartache. I know how it feels to have that hope shattered by the reality.
I know my "A" always felt so bad for "slipping". The pain he saw in my eyes was gut wrenching for him, sometimes he wouldn't come home because he didn't want to look me in the eyes. I have never yelled and screamed when he comes home after a night of drinking/drugging (I waited till he could understand what I was saying, before my program) but treated him with the love and respect I would want if I made a mistake.
The hard part is no matter how much support we give them, it is all up to them. They have to want it. And from watching him recovery isn't easy. Both "A"s and us need to take things one day at a time.
Keep coming back!
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
