The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I am sad and feel lonely, I want to cry to get out the tears but they wont come.
Several weeks ago, my A relasped and he is now backing away from me to focus on himself, he put himself back into recovery the day after his relaspe, attending 2 mtgs a day, daily talks with sponsor and working the steps.
He hasnt spoken to me by phone in a few days, I feel shut out and afraid of losing him. While I dont feel I am a codependent person, today is a bad day for I miss him very much. Our relationship is loving and kind. I dont try to work his program or recovery and I work diligently on mine. I spent a couple of hours working on step 4 last night and felt content about my progress.
I want my relationship to work and want to call him to talk but my intuition says leave him alone, when he is ready he will call. On the other hand, I feel he is avoiding me. Is it really about me? Am I selfish?
I am trying to focus on me but its hard. A quote from daily meditation has stuck with me, "the choice is not whether to hurt or not to hurt, but what to do while I am hurting"......
I am sorry your A relapsed...but, wow...the next day he got back on program! This is great. He admits he has a problem and is working toward recovery. Many of us here are living with active alcoholics. Your glass is half full.
My brother is an recovering addict. He takes his recovery seriously, is working a program, has joined Celebrate Recovery (a Christian based program which includes spouses/partners of the alcoholic/addict). He wife attends with him once a week. You may want to check out if this program is available where you are living.
Good luck to you and God bless.
__________________
Take what you can use and leave the rest...seeking tranquilityand offering what comfort I can...Claire
My "A" and I have been together for 1 day shy of 8 years, and 3 years ago we both reached our bottoms at the same time. I went to stay with my parents for a few weeks and during that time he moved into his sponsor's home. When I came back to our home we called eachother a few times and then the bomb dropped he called it quits. I was devestated. I really got into my program during that time. We didn't speak for almost 2 1/2 months. Then he called and he came over to the house a few times a month, he made it clear that it was only to be a friendship, nothing romantic. That really and truly hurt, because I never stopped loving him.
This continued for a few months and I still was having a hard time that we were not together, especially when he started dating, because I was nowhere near ready, so how could he be? Then I met someone and we over the course of a few months we just talked online ad the phone, but never met. I came to a realization that someone other than my "A" could love me.
Then my "A" asked if we could explore the idea of getting back together. And long story short....... we did get back together. When I wasn't so needy, I became more atractive to him. And I also point balnk asked him if there was any way we were going to be seriously involved again, because if not I was going to persue this other possible relationship. So he knew that I was going to move on and I really think he didn't like that!
My point for all this is............. Keep doing what your doing, focus on you. Let your HP lead you. And of course you have us, we will be here for you. That is all the advice that I can give you!
Much Love,
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
What I am learning is that sometimes "Letting Go and Letting God" means that we might not get what we think we need. Last year the thought of my A not being with me was devasating, so devastating that during a fight when he was drunk, he kept saying how he would take the house and car from me, blaming me and accusing me of things, I was so angry and just couldn't take anymore. I lost my temper threw a phone and then went to jail. I couldn't imagine at that point even, waking up one morning without my husband there. A court ordered no-contact order made me see that it wasn't that bad to go to sleep and wake without the drama. We are together now, but I no longer fear him not being there. I am learning the hard way....that I am co-dependent, in fact when I mentioned that to my sister who is 10 years older then me, her response was...."and this is news to who" LOL Take this time to do things for you, believe in the HP, trust that the HP knows what's best for you and your A.
