The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I left my husband Thursday night and I haven't heard a word from him. I am trying to be strong and demand respect but I have let self-doubt rear it's ugly head. I took a stand and said that I didn't have to live like this anymore, that I deserved more. Now I need to be strong. If I let self-doubt in I know that it will take away from my self-esteem. I know that in times like these is when I need to rely on my HP the most.
(((((((( Julie )))))))) I am sorry you feel so down. This last month I too have had a rough time. I sometimes go to sleep saying over and over..."let go and let God" my mother in-law pointed out that this may be the hardest time, since I am letting God/HP then I must trust that my best interest is at the heart of it. That my HP will do what is right for me. Two weeks ago I believed that my A was packing and leaving me, divorce was emanate, now I have embraced my HP to take care of me. I am not going to live on the edge any longer. I was reminded of years ago, raising four sons, all under the age of 12 as a single mom. It was a hard time for me, but I made it an adventure for the boys and myself. Now I want everyday to be an adventure for me. Some days it is a scary adventure, but an adventure just the same.
Hang in there; know that there are lots of people around you that care about you, (even if you don't know it). Love yourself and do one thing nice for yourself.
When my husband and I were separated it was very very difficult for me...
One thing that I did was make a CD on my computer about songs of woman's strength, like Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive" . I had been collecting those cheap compilation CD's at Kmart for around $3.00 for years with these kinds of songs, so I had most of them.
Husband started sending me a little cash out of guilt and I used it to go buy more cheapo compilation CD's. It helped to use up the time when I could not sleep. I would go to superK at like midnight, open all night, and go through the whole display, about 300 CD's, LOL, until probably 4 or 6 am, a couple of times I got tired of standing and sat ont he dirty floor to look, YUCK...anything better than tossing and turning in a lonenly bed...
Hearing songs about women who went through similar things with their head held high and survived really helped me. I got one of those cheapo speaker sets for protable CD's at the dollar store and plugged it into my prtable CD from college and put it on a basket on my bed. I would fall asleep listening to those songs of strength and how I could survive too.
I made my own "music therapy". I wish I knew where I stashed those CD's, my husband and I got back together and I threw them into a pile somehwere (dumb).
This is the time to be really gentle with yourself, take long hot baths, light candles listen to music but NO love songs, LOL, not yet anyway...they may make you sad.
Stay strong.. Follow your head and pray pray pray. !! Tell your heart to butt out .. (lol) My husband and i have been seperated twice in the last 6 months and each time i come back to empty promises. I know exactly where you are and feel for you.
I really dont have any advise, heck i am where you are.. Just know that you are not alone. i think most of us want out, just lack the self esteem to get out.. (at least for me)
You have the right to live the life you want to live. At least that's what I tell myself every day as I prepare to leave. At this moment I have price charming on my hands but I know he'll be an angry a again at any time. Probably when I most need him sober! It's sometimes hard to remember why I wanted to leave when the good times hit. I've told my friends that they must remind me how bad it gets, when I question myself.
Hang in there, you are stronger than you know. I find that yoga is very helpful to really relax and quiet those voices in my head at night. At least I sleep better!
You must take in some face to face meetings too. You'll be amazed by the love you'll feel in the room because most have been or are where you are today, feeling down.
I wanted to thank everyone for their replies. I still have not heard from my husband and it has been a week now but I know that I will be ok. It is comforting to know that when you feel down or are going through a hard time that there are people out there that do care.
