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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Get my gun and start the barbecue
Post Info TOPIC: Get my gun and start the barbecue
debilyn


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Get my gun and start the barbecue
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After about dieing going and getting feed in this hot, sticky, icky,
horrible, bright, sunshine... and getting groceries. OH no could not go
early when it is cool. Have to put it off.

After all this, I drive home, get out and see FeeFee is in distress. She is
my tame white turkey, I am chasing her to get her and stick her in the pond.
Gets Dollydoodle the English Bulldog all crazy, she chases FeeFee down thru the blackberries into
the ditch.I am so mad, hot, tired dusty tryn to get Dolly off of Feefee. The
ditch goes down from the thorny thick blackberries. I am bending over and
here comes Pixie FULL SPEED.  Pixie is a 1200 pound Yorkshire/duroc pig.

Before I know what hits me, she puts her snouter between my legs from
behind, lifts me off the ground and throws me head first into the
blackberries face first, clean in to my ankles.

pain, pain, pain. I am grabbing dolly with one hand to keep her off feefee
as I am bleeding from every part of my body. I cannot think how in the heck
to get out of this one.

I know no matter what I do it is going to hurt. Dolly finally gives up on
feefee I am laying there in thorns. Not only am I hot, tired, dusty, sticky
now I am more pissed than a yellow jacket.

Sauveur has ran up and ran Pixie off and is right at my feet, I am tummy
down. I back out...
dragging myself out yelling oweeee owweee and crying. Sauveur is taking his
protecting serious and is now laying himself over me as I sit there in pain.
Great i have a 100 pound plus hairy Great Pyrenees in my lap laying on
stickers pushing them in more....

Stand up and blood is just pouring out of every hole. There are thorns in
me everywhere.My hair is a mass of stickers and these horrible seeds.

I go into the house and look in the mirror. I look like a pincushion and
feel like one too, blood streaming down my cheeks with big thorns sticking
in them.

washing my face with a cold cloth coming out to the truck...

Chief my huge Appy/Paint has his head in the cab of the truck eating the bag of guinea pig
food and has torn open his food too. I  yell at him to knock it off, he runs
for half a sec. comes back and grabs a five pound bag of carrots and takes
off. RRRRRRRRRRR

I get them back, start dragging food in, sore as heck. here is Luster pig
eating a loaf of bread I sat in the house on the futon.

I got most the thorns that I know of so far out. But i will itch and there
is another one. My thighs and legs are so scratched and black and blue.

Guess this answers the question as to do I wear my long sundress to the get
together I am going to, or my overall shorts....

Forget the barbecue, just bring me the gun. Be easier to just shoot myself.

Love,debilyn


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Jeannie


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Debilyn,


I hope you are okay. Please forgive me but your story had me laughing so hard there where tears in my eyes. :) It just sounded like such a comedy of errors.


Have a good time at the party, and please don't shoot yourself.


                  Love Jeannie



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Dolphin123


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Debilyn,


Wow! I to was laughing so hard. Sounds like something you would see happen to John Ritter!


Glad you made it out okay and I hope your wounds heal soon.



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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
whitie


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Debilyn

Another hysterical adventure in your little haven. We don't really lol on the message board except for your wonderful posts. Thanks for bringing us some humor to our troubled lives!

Whitie

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debilyn


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I want you guys to laugh. everytime I get myself into these messes
i am thinking,well another thing to write about.....

sigh. lol yes hp is good. laughter gives ya endorphins. they are
good for us. we need to heal.

I can even laugh at my A. He did some insane things when he was drunk. I was
was leaning over the fence doing something, all of a sudden yellow jacket coated my
hair and my head!! I am so allergic and go into a panic attack. i ran into the house and was
tearing my cloths off, i was in the bathroom and here is drunk A hitting yellow jackets
with his stupid hat and trying to help me get my cloths off...he is all wobbly and not
not hitting them

plus they are tough, no hat in the world will hurt them....I started laughing and he
is like in protect my woman mode....

another time I got horrible leg cramps. i do this, they go for thirty minutes some
times, one leg at a time. he is trying to carrry me to the wood stove to rub my legs
for me.

This guy is not big... five nine and 150 pounds maybe. I am well a voluptuous,
five three, I am very muscular. he has me sorta like one leg in his arms and I am hopping
on one leg....lol

IF I don't share and I don't laugh, then it is all, well wasted. I mean if my life was
a sitcom.... i honestly think hp laughs at me.

it is hard for me not to laugh after it is over. I think if I didn't I would be bitter.

And i love life too much to be bitter. I love alanon becuz it helped me to lighten up.

the disease can make us so heavy...
hugs,debilyn

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"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
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DanaAngel


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Oh my, Debilyn, that getting crushed into blackberry bushes had to really hurt...all those thorns.  Glad you are okay and just  a little "thorny".....lol.   Your animals were just trying to help out the best they could.  Hope your animals give Haxi a very loving reception will he gets there....I have no doubt they will....lol

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Christy


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Debilyn,
Again, pure joy in reading your posts. I've said it before but..I so hope you are printing these writings and saving them. Especially now that you have a Grandbaby coming.
There's gotta be a book or sitcom in your stories somewhere..lol
Sell it to NBC!! :) I'd watch!!

Christy



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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
TLC2


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Oh gosh, I hope Haxi remembered to pack his suit of armour!!!!!!!!!! Debilyn, you are priceless, Love and lotsa laughs, TLC

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Sending lots of TLC2U
lmt123


Senior Member

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Debilyn,


Your stories are horribly funny, and had me just cracking up!  I can relate....


I lived on a small farm with my first husband and was going out to collect eggs from the barn.  We had a HUGE bull that heard me coming.  I had a 5 gallon bucket with me, because he was NOT friendly, just in case I needed to bop him in the face if he started chasing me.  Well, here I go through the gate, and he heard the chain banging the metal gate and thought it was feeding time.  He then started coming toward me rather fast, then started RUNNING toward me.  Of course he saw the bucket I was carrying, and thought it had feed in it.  When he got closer, I threw the bucket at his nose and took off running, toward the barbed wire fence (there was a strand of electric fence along the bottom of the fence...)  I wasn't even sure if the electric fence was on (it was usually shorted out), but I didn't care - I had to get away from him.  So I ducked and ran through the barbed wire and made it out of the pasture.  The electric fence was not on....


Another time, we had this stray rooster that just showed up one morning and decided to live with us (we had lots of chickens).  The rooster was mean, and would try to chase you and get you with his spurs.  I was going out to the barn, again to get eggs, and here he comes trying to flog (is that a word?) me.  I had an old empty 1 lb. coffee can with me for protection (yeah, right) and threw it at him while I was running away.  I never did get the eggs that day.


And ANOTHER time, I was coming home from a dr. appointment with my then-infant daughter.  We lived on that same 7-acre farm, and had a lot of cows, a mule, and a bull.  It had been raining for what seemed eons, and we had previously done some clearing of our yard - it had once been part of the pasture.  We had sown some grass seed, and had straw over top of it.  When I got home from the dr. appointment, I saw my front yard FULL of cows and the mule and the bull, walking through the freshly sown, rain-drenched yard.  Now here I am, with an infant in the car (asleep, thankfully) and all these animals out loose.  (Again, the electric fence wasn't working - that's how they got out.)  My then-husband was out of town, his father next door was gone, and I was supposed to round up all the cattle and get them back in the pasture?  Uh, huh, sure.  I finally called my then-father-in-law's cousin, who lived down the country road (he was an alcoholic, by the way, and his eyes were always red).  Surely he could help me, because he was an old-timey farmer.  Well, he did help, and we were running around in the rain trying to get all the animals back in.  Thankfully, my daughter slept through it all!  (We ended up with a GAZILLION small holes in the whole yard from the hooves, and everytime we mowed after that it felt like we were riding on a washboard...)


Take care,


lmt123



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ArwynEvenstar


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ooooohhhhh....As I read your post I couldn't help but cringe in pain for you. And as someone who loves animals more than most people, I'm sure I know exactly how you were feeling, sans stickers....loving your charges but hating their actions. And trying to figure out what the heck motivates them!! I hope you're feeling a little better today and that the healing isn't causing you too many itchies.

Funny thing was that when I read the title of your thread I thought one of the critters had finally pushed you beyond your limit!! Glad to hear that one of them wasn't the reason to start the BBQ!!

That being said...my fiancee got an e-mail from his brother yesterday and as I read your post I thought of it. I hope this doesn't cause you more pain, but whenever we think we've had a really bad break, there's almost always someone else who's had a worse one.....

FINAL SCORE: PITBULL 1 - PORCUPINE 1347
Poor puppy.....bet he gives the next porcupine he sees a VERY WIDE berth!!!

Feel better soon,
~arwyn

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Christy


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Holy sh*t! Arwyn!! That poor dog! He looks like he has the thing sitting on his head!
Hope he's ok...poor baby.

Christy

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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
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