It really is amazing how much of the program spills into every other aspect of my life, each day it is getting a little clearer & I am happy with my own progress.

Six days ago, my mom sd the A called me unmotivated - it hurt & kinda 'threw me for a loop'. And he wrote back to me (when I e-mailed him a angry & threatening letter) saying over the years he thought I was uninspired & unappreciative.  Two days later, it occurred to me that like the simplicity of the Golden Rule (treat ppl the way in which u wish to be treated) - he should have appreciated me then!  Just karma, what you give out, you get back ten-fold.

I certainly don't walk around being hateful, expecting to be adored! It is unfathomable to me, that the A's walk around in such deep unawareness & inconsideration. 

Three nights ago, while our A went to his daily mtg, I opened up one of his bottles of wine in his collection.  When he came back, my mother & I were eating & I left the glass out in full sight. I joke with my mom that I ought to get good & wasted & give him stupid drunk advice, like he always had done to us in the past, we laughed about it!  

 I did manage to say to him, that it has been very hard to reach out to him over the years but I kept trying anyway, drinking, sober, crying wtvr -- & he never payed attention or even bothered to try to hear me.  He just sort of looked into my eyes & nodded (as if to acknolwedge that) and quickly began his nightly ritual of walking all the dogs individually.  So he ran away but I was proud of myself to say something truthful for me & not critical of him.

Shortly thereafter, I went home. The next morning my mom said, he said something to the effect that he can see how other's can drink & it doesn't resemble how it is for the A's.   That is progress!  Maybe tiny bits of the program are sinking in!? 

It was a relief to write him all the scathing, angry things I was thinking - it releived me & since I haven't had those thoughts anymore (of wanting to attack him physcially, thank God) and hopefully it touched him in some way.

Today I will appreciate & recognize any tiny hairs of healing & baby angel strokes. Progress is still a forward movement.  Today I am in the now!