The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Trying times, the cycle of the A’s behavior is overwhelming at times. My A is getting worse, it saddens me to see this man I love self-destruct. He called me yesterday and told me he was playing 9 holes of golf, should be done in an hour or hour and a half at most and then would head home, that was around 6pm. He called at 10:30pm to say he was on his way home. He stumbled in after 11pm. He told me that he is making bad choices right now, as if that is a new excuse for his drinking. I so wanted to say….DUH!!! But I didn’t, I got up took a deep breath, then smoked a cigarette and then lay back down and went to sleep. Believing that my HP will take care of what needs to be done.
It is so hard to stay focused on taking care of me when at times I just want a hug and someone to tell me that everything will be okay.
Your doing great. "Letting Go and Letting God". I feel the same about watching my "A" destroy himself. If there was a magic button to fix him I would push it. You're doing what you need to do by working your program and letting his HP watch over him and your HP taking care of you.
When times are difficult it is hard to keep hold of that hope, but this program works, and AA works to, but I am sure you have seen that.
Just keep coming back. The pain of watching him may not ease up completley, but you will find great tools to help you.
__________________
"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Marmare, thank you for your post. It reminded me that I should let go and let God. I am still trying to control things. My A doesn't give excuses why he drinks anymore, he just does what he wants. He had $250 in bills in his pocket--got drunk--and lost it all; thinks it fell out of his pocket--unfortunantely, he doesn't admit it was because he was so drunk.
I am afraid that I am growing cold toward our love as he is so self-centered. But enough about me--keep up the great work. Blessings to you. Annie
