The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I attended my first f2f meeting Sunday night. I am new to Al-Anon however, not new to the disease of alcohol. My husband of nearly 19 years is an A and has been most of his life.
We married very young and I remember loving him so much. I knew he was broken but i was determined to love him enough to mend his broken heart. He came from a very difficult childhood. I thought I could fix him.
As time progressed his drinking did too. He went from a few 6 packs a week to a few 12 packs a week. Every party or holiday he was falling down drunk. I tried to be "normal" we went on cruises, trips just the two of us and we ALWAYS ended up fighting as he was usually drunk most of the time.
Last Tuesday I left my husband. I came home with the kids and he was drunk. Second night in a row. I just lost it.. I know i shouldnt have but i did. I was so strong determined to move forward with my life and not look back. I was so strong, and thought i was doing okay. Friday night my husband and i had a long talk, we both cried.. heck we sobbed. He said he knew he needed to stop drinking and he would go to counseling to seek the help he needed. He ask us to come home. We did .. I am back home now hoping that he keeps his word. Hoping that things dont go back the other way AGAIN.. He is such a good hearted person with a BIG PROBLEM. How i have prayed that GOD heal him. Now i pray that GOD heals me.
I have turned into a person i am not so sure i like. I am paranoid always worried about his drinking. Is he going to be upset and yell at the kids ? Will be short tempered today or in a good mood. Is he going to embarass me at the Christmas Party ?? Is today going to be the day he drinks again ?? It is so hard to love someone who is an A..
I decided that it was time to get help for me. I want to be better.. Better for me so that i can be better for my kids.
I am trying to learn to let go and let GOD.
Just think it is so hard to love someone who loves to drink more than he loves me.
Thank you for your response to my cry for help, i know exactly how you feel.we also go on great trips, hawaii,caymans,key west. we have such a good time, then he ends up drinking to much at dinner and he keeps drinking till i want to scream...
i never know if its me, if im to fat,im not pretty anymore, im 10 years older then him, and he looks older then me because of his drinking, i blame myself for his unhappiness, and i live in this fantasy world of make believe, i make so many excuses for him. but he is the nicest man when he is sober, he is kind, and respectful, he says he loves me, but he enjoys drinking, he likes the taste and he likes the buzz.
i have left him 3 times, each time he has said he would quit drinking. but one thing happens. a bad day, a hot day, someone dies, a cook out..etc...and he looks at me and says" your gonna get mad but i've having a drink, or two. you knew i was an alcoholic when you married me, quit trying to change me, love me for who i am"..thats his favorite speech to me. my father was an alcoholic, and my step father. i was drinking too when i met my husband, but 10 years ago i just quit.
I pray your husband keeps his promise, but he can't do it alone, he needs AA. my A refuses to go. i'll be praying for you... this website has a lot of nice people , stay with it..
I too was turned into a person totally consumed by my husband of 14 years drinking.
If I died his life would flash before my eyes I was so enmeshed.
Alanon taught me to detach.
I started small. Not listening or engaging my A when he was drinking. Goind to the park, the mall the library, a hot shower, anything but to get caught up in the pointless arguments that he never remembered.
I learned that I was living with insanity.
This was told to me by an oldtimer at my first face to face.
It was all insanity.
This freed me from trying to figure out the shifting sands of my life and why nothing made sense.
We too skiid in Colorado every winter, had a boat we took up and down the east coast and vacationed throughout the world.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
My husband went from being a very successful businessman to a late stage alcoholic who is dying from drinking.
he is mean and angry and abusive and I left him in May. I was up to 4 sleeping pills a night to get through not being waked up by him with a light in my eyes and loud noises. Sometimes in the morning he would say, gee you slept good last night. In my mind I would know he was tring to wake me up to torture me. He was the cat and I the mouse.
I had to save at least one of us from the destruction.
I am saving me. Through the grace of God and alanon and this room and Oh so much prayer.
I am what I can control and change.
Welcome to recovery Tammy
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Once again I am shown that I am not alone. Boy can I relate to your life. I just recently decided enough was enough and went to a f2f meeting. I also have been married for many years (21) and married young. I kept putting up obstacles to pass before I left, well all have been met and now I am not sure, so....Alanon it is!!! I need to figure me out first.
Thank you for your honesty and clear articulation, it helped me a great deal.
I am finding out so much in such a short time, I look forward to many years of Alanon and the support it will give me. I will figure out the A situation when I am ready to.
Isn't it amazing how others post of our own lives. That is the beauty of this program and the relief that someone knows and understands. You to, posted my life, and I to am remined that "you knew how I was when you married me." I thought then that I could love him enough to make him stop, thank God I found Alanon. I too took him back over and over even saying to my sponcer I wish I could stop loving him so I could leave him for good. He would always say the right thing, then you know the rest. It took awhile for me to finally hit a bottom and not except unexcetable behavior and keep taking him back without nothing changing to doing the same thing and expecting different results. This time it is different in my heart. I think I finally got there, well today anyway. I pray for God to help to keep me strong on my decession, I journal and remind myself everyday if you take him back the same thing will happen. Today for me, he will need to get help and be sober for awhile before we could try it again. I have had the promises before that I will get help and then that does on happen or it does for a very short time. Today I feel peace in my life that I have not had in along time, on days I am lonley I go to a meeting on do something fun with my Alanon friends.
Your right loving a A is so hard and sometimes loving myself enough is hard too.
