The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am kinda in a state of confustion and not sure how to react or not react. I am so glad I have this forum and wish I applied myself more. It is so helpful to be here and yet I don't come very often. Some of it is my busy life and the other is just plain laziness. But thats ok I'm not going to be hard on myself about it I'm just going to keep working harder. My goal at this point is to come atleast once a week here and to a meeting.
I really need it because my a is like a rebellous teen, he stays at his friends till he feels like coming home, doesn't call, hardly speaks to me except to tell me about his bad day. No real physical contact unless it is in the bedroom and I'm not up for that because I want more. I'm not blaming him for this completely I know that I could do thing to make my day better including going after things that I want a little more agressively. It just all seems so overwhelming. If it was just one thing I needed to fix and my life would be better I think I could but there are so many things that when i try to focus on just one my brain won't let me.
Thanks for being here, I know that this share was a lot of rambling but it would take me a share a mile long to make you understand everything I'm thinking and feeling.
I know for me it is overwhelming to look at the "big picture" of the things I need to do sometimes. This program has taught me to take it one day at a time. And I also have learned to try to focus on just one thing I need to do, try to do it the best I can, then move on to the next. Progress not perfection, too.
Sounds like you feel like I did the past few weeks. My whole world was coming down on my shoulders, and I couldn't even bear to think. My brain just kept saying "What am I going to do?"
The best I could do was
1. Take care of me...do my nails, put on some makeup and jewelry, and iron my clothing each day. I also drug myself to the floor for a little exercise.
2. I shut the bedroom door...and left it til night a few days. That way I only had to concentrate on tidying the kitchen and living room.
3. The bills are piling up...when I spoke to a couple who were calling, I was real honest, and said hopefully I will have money in a few weeks, and will catch up then. that was all I could do at the time.
4. I tried to find a little joy in nature....there's this wierd thing my HP keeps doing...twice on the way to work, a bluebird was in the road in front of me. I named it the "bluebird of happiness"....and several times in the past few weeks, I've noticed a single feather where it shouldn't be...that reminds me of my bluebird of happiness, and I take it as a sign to be happy. Yes, we can be happy even with the weight of the world on our shoulders....give some gratitude, when you can...even for silly things, "Thank you HP for this pretty plate I'm washing". "Thank you my Lord for this hot water in my shower, as I was raised without indoor plumbing.
