The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yep...I have one, a day's serenity, amidst all the problems and pressure.
But, it bothers me that I'm only able to have it when my A is "behaving normally". I must need to work even harder on detachment. Anyone can find a level of serenity at times like these, but when everything goes haywire, I want it then too.
But for today, I really love ME, and I don't think I'm so bad...ha! So, a big thank you to all who has shared here lately, and held my hand when I was so upset.
Thanks to y'all, I'm able to see the glass half full, and even hope that I can fill it all the way to the top...myself.
I find that I work harder on myself and my Serenity when my husband is "misbehaving". I find that as long as there is no crisis and things are manageable, I stop working on myself. I even start to forget that there is a serious problem. I think he does the same thing and we convince ourselves that everything is behind us.
Give yourself more credit any serenity is improvement. When my a acts normal I find myself anything but serene. I am still stewing about all the wrong things he has done. If you can detach from all that enough even if it is because you a is having a good day you are doing great. Keep smiling.
Holly...thank you for the pat on the back. Yeah, I beat myself up when I should give myself credit for finding that little spot of serenity. When he's an As$$%#^, some days I can just "breathe him away", but when that bad time for me hits, it's like I'll never look up again. so, it's a real joy to feel a little hope again.
Good luck finding it...somebody quoted Abby yesterday as saying, "you can't have a better past, but you can have a better future". I used that to try and do some forgiving of past things he's done to me (and others). Can't do anything about it, except learn.
Thanks, Powerless, for reminding me! I used to forgive and forget, and also forget to work on ME when things were decent. Since my work on the steps, I keep in the back of my mind that since he is working no program, it's probably only a matter of time til he drinks again....and it all starts over again.
So....knowing I can't control that situation, I keep a little of me in reserve, knowing that I need to be serene and confident and self responsible in case that day comes. "If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got". So, I'm trying to change what I do. Make sense?
Thanks for reminding me that others find that they get lax when the going is smoother.
