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Well the A has been very emotional. His mood swings are really fierce and driving me crazy. One moment he is loving, the next he is clingy and depressed, the next he is angry and mean. From moment to moment I don't know what to expect. He has told me that he stopped drinking in April. Of course, I don't believe a word of it as he has told me the same thing before. And even if he did stop drinking, I don't believe he will stop forever. This would just be a reprieve.
But the question is, if he did really stop drinking cold turkey, would that be contributing to these wild mood swings?
I wish I knew. The "A" in this house -- used to be my "A" -- has claimed to be sober since 15 July 2005. He's staying home, doing things around the house, going to meetings every day (allegedly) -- just doing all the things I always wanted him to do..
No mood swings, no crabbiness,
And yet, I don't believe him either. I don't think I can believe anything he says for a while -- maybe a very long while.
If anyone knows, please speak up. There's at least two of us here would really want to know.
the mood swings are more than likely due to the absence of mind-numbing alcohol or drugs. my A drank and drugged for years to escape feeling anything. when first sober, with the help of AA, he still had many bouts of extreme emotions that he knew nothing of how to deal with. he needed the help and support of AA members to work through it all. now almost five years later, he still has slips and struggles somewhat with anger, but the hills of the roller coaster of feelings have gotten much smaller and farther between each other.
if your A's are sober, they are still stark-raving sober as we like to call it. if they are in program, then that will help enormously (but be patient, it takes a lot of time). otherwise, as John likes to say, 'you can take the rum out of a fruitcake, but if that's all you do, then all you're left with is a fruitcake' lol.
keep coming back....get to lots of meetings and you will get clarity and serenity.
AA tells its members that their emotional development stopped when they started drinking. For most of them, that was in the early teen years. In some ways, they are finally going through the adolescence that they avoided for so many years.
ditto, when our A stopped drinking a summer ago, he was moddy but mostly irritable, angry & cruel. (Turns out he was still drinking when he was out of town, during that time). But surely the raw emotions are new to them ~ so they seems like they're on a roller coaster (instead of their mind numbing 'even keel'). We are simply more used to experiencing real emotions.
Now that our A has had the program for 3 weeks - his eyes are being opened by other alcoholics that have surely brought themselves close to the brink of death - his eyes are being opened by what his life could have become for him (much worse than now - i.e. jail, no family, no house, job, car, internal organs --> so for him it probably does seem great - he hasn't gotten as bad as many other do (Honestly - I have no idea what he thinks, I just know he has been self-righteous & smug forever)). Dove you said he has nothing left to lose, but he still has plenty! It would be nice to feel some gratitdue, I know. You cannot expect anything & like everyone says in the program, you can't believe him. Lying to yourself for 20 years, isn't going to automatically change over night. Sure it looks easy for him, he thinks he's doing great!
I realized the yesterday - how could he possibly care about my feelings, when he has yet to experience his own. He has to dive into the recesses of the soul/consciousness that he has stuffed so deeply inside of himself for so very long. Then he has to take that tiny little bity inner child - it probably looks like Gollum right now, sit with it, clean it off, talk to it & listen to it, nurture it, feed it & love that unlovable thing. This is going to take a very long time, as far as I can tell & will be painful when he first gets to that decrepid thing.
I know with God miracles can happen but take that energy & focus and expect a miracle within yourself.
I do pray the A finds realizations but I pray that you find peace & calm serenity, joy & the love of yourself within, embrace yourself. If you need some space, take it or make him stop talking to you & give you a couple hours of quiet time. Have periods of silence or keep it erratic & at different times each day. I don't see that making personal demands should be a problem ~ you have to think about what is best for you.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Lin0606 states the truth. Our (A's) emotions stopped when we began drinking. We only know how to numb our brains to stop the pain inside us. Alcohol was my best friend in the entire world. I could talk, it would not answer back, I could scream & it would just listen, I could cry & it was there to help me. It was my everything. Quitting drinking was like losing my best friend. Now what do I do with all this free time, emotions & feelings surfacing. I was PETRIFIED to now be on my own with out it. It was a great shock to me.
Alcoholics, whether in recovery or not - we are scared little children. If we have childhood issues, they too come flooding back. We feel alone with out our drink or drug. We are lost.
Remembering this, it is easy to see why we can be moody, angry & miserable alot of the time. Keep encourageing him about his meetings. Only he knows the truth about stopping & attending meetings - and his lies can only hurt him. We cannot control them anymore that they can copntol us. Keep with your program & let him do his if he chooses.
Keep reading, listening & posting. Stay in YOU & know that your HP is always with you as all of us here are too. God Bless.
Well I know I did not feel well when i used to diet....
The point is, for me, I cannot control it, so I don't think about it if he is drinking or not. If he is not drinking and going to meetings well good for him, if he is lieing well that is his business.
I tell ya,once I stopped giving the is he drinking or not or using or not any attention, things got so much better. It was a weight off me. I just give it totally to hp.
Let go and let god. That is a slogan of Alanon. If you cannot stop a river, why do you care if it is flowing or not? We have no control over the A, period. They have as much right to a life as we do. They have enough to contend with, with a horrible disease.
I am not saying put up with any bs either. But what is it that makes us, in the beginning, think our knowing if they are using or not will make any difference?
One day at a time is all we can contend with. I don't want to gauge what my A is doing I want to pay attention to my own inventory, or my own good bads and uglies.
I am not responsible for him or his behavior. To allow his ups and downs and insanity is totally insane to me. I used to do it too!!! Now i know it is the disease and say, it sucks to be you. Not outloud.
I may even say, u no I don't really want to know. i mean if he is complaining about being sick or whatever.
Anyway hugs, I invite you to do a day at a time, focus on you and do your best not to allow this disease to pull you into its pit.
