The material presented
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Thanks again for your unconditional support. My daughter stopped by today. She made herself something to eat and enjoyed time with her kitten. I was still feeling quite numb and know that I already said all the things I wanted to say to her this past week. Repeating things is a form of control afterall. I did give her a big hug when she first came in and a big loving hug when she left. When my daughter was at her worst with her disease she would not allow any of us to hug her so I hug her now whenever I can,,,and tell her I love her too. She looked for jobs online and made some phone calls. I minded my own business. I then shared with her what her aa friend said to me about not giving her anymore money and not helping her so much etc. etc. I asked her what she thought her friend meant by saying that? My daughter said her friend wants me to fall. Then the conversation ended. I wanted to talk more about how I fit into this but knew the timing wasn't right. I did ask her too if she drank the other night after she found out her boyfriend had lied about Iraq etc. and she said no. She said she didn't need an excuse to drink. It was a calm conversation but short and sweet. I did not pursue that conversation either. I just was trying to open up a dialogue and she obviously was not in the mood to continue. She then left. I did not ask her where she was going or anything.I asked nothing of the boyfriend. I was just numb. I did the best I could do with detatching with love. At least she knows I love her and I feel she knows I love her unconditionally. It is hard not to rescue her. That only makes her not take care of her. I see how she is trying so hard to be an adult and get her life in order. I can stand back much better now and take my hands off of her and let her go. We are truly powerless over this disease. Step one was there for me today. Back to the drawing board again for me with the steps. Thanks again for all your support. your friend in recovery , cdb
Wounds like wonderful visit and wonderful progress cdb, I am happy for you.
I hope daughter continues to do well, she has to feel all that love you have for her, it can only strengthen her to do well.
That ws a big step for her to realize that she needs no excuse or reason to drink, good for her. She is not in denial to herself, good step toward recovery.
I KNOW it was hard but you just showed your daughter you love her, more than you love yourself.
Becuz if you didn't you would have eased yourself, gave her money begged her to stop drinking, begged her to come home etc.
You showed her respect and dignity. Maybe she will find her own power now or at some point and take care of herself.
Right now she has youth on her side. Also she does have tools from rehab and AA. We have to pray for her and know she has her life and she has to live it her way.
I have a 29 year old and a 30 year old. I know how hard it is to keep boundarys. I want to be more involved with them so bad. But right now they both have major life things to work on. I want to jump in and do what ever, but I don't.
If I were you and had a husband at home, I would be putting myself into that. Maybe ask your husband for a date. Focus on your marriage and you and him. It could be fun you know. I try to keep reminding people we NEED fun. It is not an extra it is vital.
I just do not relate to people who do not work on their marriage. NOT saying you don't. It is not something that will live with out attention and nurturing.
Anyhow I invite you to go get a pretty nightgown, candles, dinner, good food, maybe a love story movie, just enjoy each others company. Give him a massage and ask for one.
sigh where is my husband??? love to you c ,debilyn
They mean so much to me even though I know there are many that read too and send good and caring thoughts my way too that do not reply. I like the part about giving my daughter respect and dignity. That really hit home with me. I think I did that exact thing. I did give her some money to put gas in her car by the way but not for a full tank :) Just what I had in my wallet. I am trying afterall. I asked her about rent money and she said her 2 weeks at her job should be enough to cover rent. She does not like to ask for money from us at all nor feel good about us helping her when needed. I must admit that tonite when I suddenly awoke from my sleep that I couldn't go back to sleep because my mind was on her. But, I am doing the best I can with what I have for now. She was painting for someone today making 10.00 an hour. She sure tries so hard to make it and stay clean and sober. I just can't lose hope in her. Thanks again for your prayers too. I really can feel them! your friend in recovery, cdb
Cbd. I know,I know, it's very hard to focus only on ourselves when there i a loved one involved. Sometimes, I think those with partners that are alcoholics just don't get the love part. I mean when you have a parent or a child you know you can never truly bail on them. But people that aren't bonded well or have had the bond destroyed, or don't understand the program, or don't have faith to go on in this way...tend to amputate the relationship and expect the rest of us to do it to make them feel better about their decisions. Oh well, what I really want to say is keep working on you. I am doing a personality survey for this trip i am going on and since I've been married for 23 years my personality has changed from happy and determined to mostly melancholy. Knowing what i do I believe I have a touch of depressino too. That's why I am constantly putting walls up against my husband's chronic depressive talk because I don't want to be brought down. I can only go so low before it's almost impossible to go up. Which is to say, I am concerned for you. Please keep taking care of you.
Cbd. I know,I know, it's very hard to focus only on ourselves when there i a loved one involved. Sometimes, I think those with partners that are alcoholics just don't get the love part. I mean when you have a parent or a child you know you can never truly bail on them. But people that aren't bonded well or have had the bond destroyed, or don't understand the program, or don't have faith to go on in this way...tend to amputate the relationship and expect the rest of us to do it to make them feel better about their decisions. Oh well, what I really want to say is keep working on you. I am doing a personality survey for this trip i am going on and since I've been married for 23 years my personality has changed from happy and determined to mostly melancholy. Knowing what i do I believe I have a touch of depressino too. That's why I am constantly putting walls up against my husband's chronic depressive talk because I don't want to be brought down. I can only go so low before it's almost impossible to go up. Which is to say, I am concerned for you. Please keep taking care of you.