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My A (husband) is starting his first night of outpatient treatment tonight and I would just like to hear some success stories or failure stories. Not sure what to expect from all of this.... He had an assessment today (that I went to with him, he asked me to go) and the lady said he definitely needs treatment. I really feel he needs to go to inpatient treatment rather than just outpatient and the lady thinks he needs that also, she said he is physically addicted to it, she could see him suffering through withdrawls as he was in there and plus the amount of alcohol he consumes in general. My husband said he really doesn't want to go to inpatient, wanted to try outpatient first but said he would go to inpatient if the other one fails. How many times has your A gone through treatment? How many relapses can I expect (different for everyone I know), if A were to have like 1 drink or beer is that considered a relapse or is him getting wasted considered a relapse (kinda dumb question, kinda figuring even 1 drink would be considered a relapse) but just thought I'd ask. Can I expect him to be really grouchy?
My husband entered inpatient ttreatment, because it was a condition of keeping his job. He had been very worried for quite some time about his drug addiction, but never said anything about it (typical) He did not feel strong enough to try to get well on his own, and it apparently never occured to him that he could just join AA. (again, typical)
He spent I think five days in detox, called me on the third day, shaken and fragile. He had been going to AA and NA meetings (a condition of being at the treatment centre) and had had an awakening of some sort, for sure. I think he really was ready to get better.
He came home for three weeks until there was room at the rehab. That was a hard time for him, went to a meeting every day, spent time at the gym, and went with me everywhere, I think he was scared of being on his own. He acted like someone convalescing from a long and serious illness, quiet, shaky, moving as if scared to make sudden movements (not like him at all)
He was gone for three weeks in rehab, and worked hard at it. That was two and a half years ago, he has been clean and sober since (I assume, I don't smell his breath, or check his pockets - I figure if he is trying to conceal a slip, it will quickly become obvious, and I can deal with it then). For him, the crack addiction is the hard one, and the place I think he would slip first.
There were a few episodes of bad temper at first, but mostly he was shaky and scared. Since then, the problems have mostly come from obsessive behaviour, he spends hours and hours at things - it's not unusual for him to spend 9 or 10 hours at the computer, chatting (AA group) He also had (and may still be having) some online flirting and sexual chatting going on. This, I firmly believe, though not all would agree, is part of the disease - the need to lose himself just coming out in another form. No surprise, this put some serious strain on our marriage. I ended up going to counselling for several months about his sexual behaviour, and my response to it.
Our sex life took a real hit after sobriety, things got quite bad, and due to some of his behaviours, have not really gotten back to anything like right since. This is our main problem and the thing that we both have to work at hardest.
Except for that, though, I would have to say that life is much much better. He really is trying to work his program. It is amazing how much of the old a****** behaviour was part of his disease - he doesn't hold grudges anymore, isn't moody and impatient, doesn't blame others for his problems, no longer has feuds with people at work, and on and on. this is not due to the not drinking, though, but to his program, which he really is trying to work.
So, yes, sobriety is possible, and recovery does happen, but it is not without bumps, and some of them can be very big ones.
I cannot tell you what will happen to your hubby in out patient therapy. I can only relate what happened in our own case. Each person relates to therapy differently depending on how much "extra baggage" they have stored away.
For me I found out about hubby's crack addiction quiet accedentally. I went to tuck him at night , as I usually do. My foot went under the bed and stepped on something. I thought I broke his eyeglasses. But it wasn't.... it was his crack pipe. Anyway with that he admitted that he was addicted. Both of knew we needed help.
Well we found an out patient group near us with hours that would work into our schedules. We both had interviews with the counselors. For me being the codependent of an addict I found them to be rude and offensive. They wanted to know why I needed help , when hubby was the addict!!! (Guess they never lived with an addict, lol). Anyway to make a long story short, after setting up clearance with medical insurance and all the technical nonsense , hubby finally got to go to his meetings. He went three times a week for two hour sessions. During this time there were random urine checks and so forth. This lasted for six weeks. He stayed clean and then relapsed into oblivion. There was no help for me so I went to Alanon pronto. Through a member I found out about CA. (Cocaine anonymous). He agreed to go and did. He went to meetings 4 & 5 times a week, finally got a sponsor and started working the Steps. He did relapse again at six weeks (he has a thing about six weeks). But that was it . He hasn't used since then, that was almost two years ago.
It seemed that in out patient therapy they weren't addressing his needs. How to fight urges , fantacizing, and dealing with reality. These were all things that were addressed in CA.
For me out patient therapy and psych therapy did nothing. I found it belittling and humiliating to constantly retell my war story. Were in Alanon I didn't have to tell my war story, everyone already knew it or some version of it.
For my hubby CA was what hew needed . To be with others who understood the way no other could.
Now we are both sponsoring others and passing our message one person at a time.
My name is Kathy & I am a recovering Alcoholic. My husband is still active and I am also Adult Child of Alcoholic.
I went in to Homewood Health Centre , Guelph, Ontario, Canada on Oct 15, 2001. I am 1 of the fortunate ones as I have stayed sober. Out of the group of about 20 that went in the same week as I, there are 5 still sober that I know of. We still stay in touch as it is good for support.
I could sit here and tell you all kind of horror stories & success stories but in my opinion, the best thing is to hear it in person & feel the feelings of those who have made it or are still suffering.
Go to OPEN AA meetings alone & with your partner. There is much POWER in these meetings !!! You are more than welcome there.
Even though I am sober, I still need help understanding my A. Meetings help me somewhat understand the hows & whys of Alcoholism. It is a good "Remember When " for me to remember that if I pick up ONE drink then I will pick up right where I left off in my drinking career. Abstinence is NO BOOZE or any other substitute either.
It is kind of like this - " Your either pregnant or your not. " You either drink or you don't ".
My daughter was both in an outpatient program and then an inpatient program. She did have success with both to some extent. The alcoholic has to be the one to save themself. Even after treatment they may still struggle and have relapses/slips. My daughter craves alcohol so much and they say it takes awhile to get over the craving. She needed to go to AA meetings every day to stay sober. When she doesn't go is when she runs into trouble like her recent relapses/slips. She even has been chairing meetings. She worked her program so hard yet she has such a hard time struggling to stay sober. Some say it is because of her young age. Treatment right now is probably not a good option again for her but it is up to her. They need to learn to use their AA tools and keep themself clean and sober. I am not sure if this helped at all but I do wish you luck. While my daughter was in her inpatient treatment I worked my alanon program every day. I worked so hard too since alcoholism is a family disease and we too become sick. Keep coming here and working your program and you will see positive changes in yourself. your friend in recovery, cdb
I can only share my own personal experiemce. My hubby has been int 4 rebhabs. The first was almsot 13 years ago. it was in-patient. He stayed sober 90 days...60 after the 28 day in=-patient. The second was an outpatient facility. He wqs there abtu a month...and again..another 60 days and he relapsed. The thrid was 93 days. this one was inpatient. He lasted almsot 3 years with that one. Then last fall he wwent to another. It was one week of depression therapy because he was suicidal and 2 weks on inpatient rehab. That only lasted abut a month. But at least today he does not get as drunk and it does not happen as often.
the way I see it...it totally is BETTER if the patient can afford or has the insurance for in-patient treatment. but in patient or outpatient..he MUST want to get sober. he MUSt be willing to do whatever it takes or it jsut wont work. He has to be ready.
Meanwhile YOU take care of YOU. You get to alanon and get busy working the steps yourself. Go to as many meetings as you can. It does help. We can cure them...we can only change ourselves.
" You either drink or you don't ".