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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Detach with love.
Post Info TOPIC: Detach with love.
tullemars


Veteran Member

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Posts: 31
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Detach with love.
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Hello all,


I hope all of you are thinking about yourself and not your A.


Not like me who still falls in love again and again.


I try to keep my emotions at a healthy level but sometimes I start to love too much.


Then I get dissapointed.


She is in recovery now and I see signs that she might not be making it.


I get hurt by this.


We have 4 kids and it is tough on all of us.


Letting her drift away is hard. 


Let go and let god. I know the drill.


When she came out of rehab she had a hold on her program like a pitbull.


I made a mistake and confronted her on not going to meetings after just leaving rehab last month.


I know I was wrong and admit it to all of you and I will admit it to her when I get home.


I know you can't have a healthy relationship with someone this new to recovery.


I am new to recovery also. I am sick too. I know.


I am not devastated I am sad. I am allowed to be sad when someone is ill.


I do appreciate this board and all of you.


I am starting to feel better.


God Bless all


  


  


 



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isabela40


Senior Member

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Posts: 359
Date:
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Hi Mars,


I am sorry to know you are feeling sad, and your children also, yes, life with an alcoholic is very hard and very painful.


Loving your mate is natural and it is very difficult for human beings to be unnatural.  We all need to learn to love our mates and let them be "them" as in drunk or sober.  Our love is not dependent on their sobreity.


Isabela



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marmare


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 837
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It's okay if you slip back to old behaviors as long as you catch yourself and get back on track.  I too, begin to trust, to check up on, etc. etc.  then catch myself and start to focus on me again. 


Hang in there, I am learning that learned behaviors can be un-learned when we start to learn new healthy behaviors to replace them.


Hugs Mary



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Mary
Christy


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3223
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tullemars..

Be gentle with yourself, my friend. :)
It was not wrong to suggest she go to meetings once..It's wrong if you demand it or say it over and over.

Sometimes I can't quite hand things over, in those cases I just ask HP to guide me in the right direction.

Keep working your program the best you can..

Christy


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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
kathy570


Senior Member

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Posts: 116
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Dear Tullamar,


You know that you made a mistake, are going to correct it & then let it GO.


Be good to yourself too & keep coming back.


Yours in Recovery


Kathy570



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nmike


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2677
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tullemars,


I think that we have all been there. It's ok to be imperfect. At least you are aware now. Progress can still be made when we make mistakes. The disease of alcoholism is a long journey.


In support,


Nancy



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cdb


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1197
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Hello tellemars,


 You seem so good at identifying your feelings. This a good asset to have for recovery. It is tough when the alcoholics get out of treatment. No one really knows what to expect. This is where alanon fits in for us. We need to take care of us at this time and work our program too and find our way back from the insanity and chaos of alcoholism in the family. I am glad to see you reaching out and and trying to work on you. Keep up the good work. Your friend in recovery, cdb :)



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