The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks everyone for your replies to my previous post.
Last night I spoke with my a and I'm not sure if he got that I was serious or not but I meant every word I said, of course part of me wanted him to fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness but it didn't matter that he didn't I said what I wanted and went to bed.
I don't want my marriage to end and have other people in my childrens lives but if it makes me happier and more fun to be around so be it.
I hope my a understood that I meant it last night when I told him that I would rather be broke and alone than live the hell I am living right now. I also told him he needed to make some hard desisions because I was sick of making them for him.
I hope it did some good but if not I pray i am strong enough to follow through and make him leave my home. I will not leave, it is the only safe place I have, and if I stay I know that my landlords will help me and work with me so I refuse to leave that.
Thanks again for being here, and thanks for replying.
I am new to this board but I just wanted to say I admire your strength and am glad you are feeling better today. Remember one day at a time.
I can relate to ending a relationship with someone you care for, 7 years ago I left my ex because of his gambling addiction, we were married 10 years and had two boys, ages 16 months and 4 years. Of course, I had the same thoughts as you, not wanting to break up the family, hurting the kids, taking the kids from him, leaving someone I had spent 16 years with, but I reached the point where I knew I had to do it. I was completely miserable, tired of trying, whining, broke all the time, my love for him was no longer strong, I cared for him as a person but didnt want to be married to him any longer. Today, we have a good amicable relationship, he lives 2 blocks away, hes a good father, but he still gambles his money away, plays cards approx 10 nights a month, he still cant get it together financially-duh, he pays child support but is often late and never pays for any other expenses as he is ordered to do. I still carry the financial burden but I AM HAPPY TODAY.
It is still a challenge and I am still growing, getting stronger. when I look back I am very proud of my actions and strength. I chose not to live in it and I have no regrets but its took years to leave, many dynamics to taking that step. In the end, I did it for me, not to stop him from gambling.
There are times I wish I never had to go thru being divorced, single mom,etc but I thats what I am so I can whine or be happy, I chose to be happy.
Sorry so long, just wanted you to know, do whats best for you, whether its staying or leaving. Take care of yourself.
Good for you Holly. I am feeling better today too. I talked to my a last night and said just about the same thing. I am tired of doing the same thing over and getting the same results. Hopefully with my HP's help we will stayed strong. I sad and happy all at the same time. Glad we have each other. Take Care of yourself
Thanks for sharing. I can identify with your post. Only for me I think that I had the illusion of family, etc. I think that you are setting strong boundaries and this is what the A's need. And they will kick and scream. Trust your HP to speak for you.
