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Well I am extremely frustrated right now and it's even harder to deal because I'm at work. My husband was suppose to go at 4:00 today for an alcohol assessment and what does he do?? You got it, get's wasted instead. Got a phone call from my son about an hour ago said that he was extremely drunk and that one of my A's friends was coming to pick him up and have him stay at his house to try and sober him up and then try and get him an assessment tomorrow. I called the lady who he was suppose to have the assessment with to reschedule and at first she said he couldn't get in until next week, a little later she changed her mind and said she would squeeze him in tomorrow. I'm so confused as to what to do, I would like him to go to detox or the hospital to get medical help, last time he was extremely intoxicated his parents took him to the hospital and his b.a.c ended up being .468 and the doctors said he could've died, I'm afraid it could be the same case again today. If he goes to detox he will obviously not be able to make the assessment appt tomorrow and he can't enter outpatient or inpatient treatment with an assessment........ How am I suppose to get him to the assessment if he won't quit drinking?? And the detox center assessment will not work at this other facility. But I really feel he needs to go to detox or to a hospital for medical assistance. If he just stays at his friends house he may suffer serious withdrawls but he would be able to go to the assessment tomorrow and then start outpatient treatment tomorrow night - which I really don't think is enough, I think he needs to go to inpatient treatment. I really don't know what my question is for you guys, I'm just so frustrated and need to vent.
Maybe someone has a similar story?? Has any of your A's been successful with just outpatient treatment? Should I have him go to detox or should he stay at his friends until tomorrow?
I don't know anything about what is best here. What I do see happening, is you driving yourself batty about this, and your A just getting drunk, to avoid dealing with it. Every time you do for him what he should be doing for himself, you are telling him, and telling yourself, that he is not capable of taking care of it. You are also telling him that he does not have to do anything, because you will always pick up the pieces.
I know it's hard, it may seem almost impossible, but is there any way you can just stay out of this? If he wants recovery, he will do what he must to get it. If he doesn't, nothing you can do or say will make him change.
So is that what I'm suppose to do just sit back and let him die??? Because that's what could happen if he continues to drink as much as he does. I'm obviously new to all of this but I find it very hard to just sit back and not try and get him into detox or the hospital when the amount of alcohol he drinks could do just that, kill him.......
Well he ended up not going into detox or the hospital yesterday and just stayed with his friend all night and spent the night there - no drinking involved either. He called me last night and asked if I would come pick him up because he didn't want to stay there and I said no I would not, I think he was a little shocked about that but I knew if he did come home that he would probably start drinking again or would start drinking again this morning. He called me a little while ago and asked if I would go to the assessment with him, sounds like he is actually going to go today.
As hard as it sounds he needs to do this himself. You are going to drive yourslef nuts if you keep making all the arrangements for him.
My husband worked an IOP last year, and it worked for several months, then he relapsed. He is currently sober again, but I will not even try and predict what will happen. The one thing ZI have learned through Alanon and the differnet rehabs, is that he needs me to be supportive, but keep my hands off his recovery. He needs to learn independance and want it for himself, enough to work it. Believe me, it is not easy, just sitting back, in fact it is one of the hardest things I have ever done, or not done.
Look to yourslef, work your own program, and concentrate on you, allow him to work his program, and give him up to his HP.
I know, it feels like there must be something you can do, that if you just try hard enough, you can MAKE him better. But, if will power, hard work and love could cure alcoholism, there would be no need for alanon. Believe me, it's not because of some politically correct theory that we say that it's best to keep out of it. It's because we have learned, through hard and painful experience, that we can not cure it, we can not control it, and we did not cause it.
I am with my 3rd A marriage. I am 48 years old and you would think that I would have learned by now eh????? Well, I have been in Al Anon a shor time and the one thing that sticks out for me is " Look after yourself & let him do for him what he needs to do ( even thought he does not know it).
I just learned this THE 5 G'S
1 - GET OUT OF HIS WAY
2 - GET OFF HIS BACK
3 - GIVE HIM TO GOD
4 - GET INTO YOURSELF
5 - GO TO A MEETING
So darn true. My hubby is very active, driving me nuts when I let him, maybe losing his job of 25 years, losing house, cars, etc. etc. What can I do ???? NOTHING !!!!!! I CANNOT control him or force him to do anything. We all see his problem, sons, daughter, boss, employees, friends, co-workers. HE SEES NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM. Talk about insanity.
All 3 marriages, I have tried to change them - 33 years doing this crazy insanity, depressioning myself to the point of hospitalization, being just as drunk as they were, then if I can do it - why the hell can't he ????????? Pure Insanity.
If someone told you to jump off a bridge - would you ? No ! It's the same with Alcoholism. We CANNOT change them or forse them to do anything. And if they do it " for us " they will not make it.They must do it for themselves.
