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How do you deal with having to repeat everything to your A about 10 times?? It just drives me nuts sometimes. I used to just get furious about it and finally say I'm not going to repeat myself anymore but that doesn't do any good. While he's drunk he will ask me the same question over and over and over again and then the following day when he's sober he will ask me the same questions again. It gets so frustrating. Just wondering if I should just let it go and repeat myself every single time he's asks the question or is there some other solution? Does it do any good to tell him that I already answered the question, he obviously doesn't remember my answer.
Communication with a practicing alcoholic is exhausting. For me, it was useless, wasted energy. I kept banging my head over and over against the same brick wall - only injuring myself. That's when I practiced detachment ! It's in that pamplet at Alanon. My A was soooo far into his own little world, AND his disease had progressed that as long as he continued to drink---he was unreachable. The only thing that worked was me practicing detachment and my active involvement in Alanon. He noticed changes in me, (not words)
Detachment was and still is a lifesaver for me, a sanity saver. Keep up with your meetings and Keep Coming Back.
One of the things I have started doing in the last year, due to the frustration of repeating everything is this. If he says something or asks something when he's drunk, I know he will not remember. So the next day if the subject comes up I will say something like..."oh yeah, we talked about that last night and came to a decision, and then walk away...." OR "do you really think that after what you said last night that we are going to talk about this again" At first it seemed mean, I don't use it against him but he can't remember and he will not admit that he can't remember so it has stoped a lot of talking when he's drunk. The other thing that frustrates me is to hear the same stupid stories over and over too, for that I say, "I understand what your saying, you just told me that." He stops dead in his tracks now and finds something other to do then talk a lot about nothing to me when he's drunk.
I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who hears everything over and over and over! It also makes me crazy. I also tell that we already discussed that and sometimes it works and sometimes not.
What's really making me exhausted is his "old stories". He whips one of those old tales out whenever he can and my son and I roll our eyes. Yea, we know we'll tell him. And all those tales are all about him just like everything else is around here.
Detachment is the best tool I've found and that usually makes him mad. Oh well!
Once I learned about detachment and that it was a disease talking, I did not care to listen to him AT ALL.
So once I realized he was drunk, I left the room, went and read a book, went out to the barn, took a shower etc. I want nothing to do with the using A.
I refused to talk at all. I would maybe smile or say oh sorry you feel that way, or hmmm you may be right.
Or hmmm well I just don't know! Why bother talking to an insane disease? Why explani or answer in the first place?
I figure if he uses he can be alone with his disease. I refused to "play."
so this is how I did it, and if he drinks again, I will do the same...
This way I don't get mad, neither does he. And the disease sees it cannot pull me in.
Hi Silver. everyday I thank the guy who invented sticky notes. hehe After a few yrs of doing the repeating repeating repeating , I bought the brightest colour Icould find and wrote on it the things my husb needed to know. Supper dates etc, apointments . and if he missed them I could gently remind him that they were on the fridge. So I verbally told him once, wrote it on the fridge then just let it go. worked for me and one more resentment out of the road . hehe
