The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am having such a hard time keeping my mouth shut this week, I like Debilyn's idea of ducktape but notre would hold.
My husband has been on a major bender this week as he may lose his job, house, car, etc. He comes home everynight loaded, falling all over the place, talks to himself, asks or says something to me that makes absolutly NO sense. I can't stand to look at him, to him or be around him. If I ignr him or don't listen, he gets real mad and stomps around like a little child.
He is total denial and driving me nut. I understand now the part about sex in recovery. He has hurt me soooooooooo much - well lets just say " not a ance - he disgusts me ". But how do I tell him he is driving me nuts & he disgusts me ??????????????????????
I am trying very hard to work the program but mad is hard................ HELP.............
It will frustrate you and the drunk will not remember.
If you need to tell him he disgusts you best to catch him sober and tell him
I have had sex with my alcoholic husband once in the last 4 years. He is so sick and so creepy with the smell of the liquor and the craziness in his eyes.
So last year I fianlly joined alanon. I wanted to fix my husband and guess what I fixed myself.
A good thing to do is to start taking care of yourself.
My husband lost his job 3 years ago. he went into business for himself anf the first year he did well, then the next year less well $8000 profit and then starting last April he does not work at all. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
When I still lived with my husband and it was nightime and he would try to tell me the same stories over and over I would take long showers with the bathroom door locked.
I made a deal with him when he was drinking he would stay upstairs and I would stay down
When he got drunk he would forget the deal and come downstairs and torture me with verbal abuse.
I was up to 4 sleeping pilss a night when I finally left
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I remember those drunken nights...I left shortly after he started kicking me. He would lay there and call me every vile name in the book. I returned, and hope for some closure now that I've found al anon.
Aren't A's harder to talk to than children....it's so useless, and only slightly better when they are sober.
But, Kathy, duct tape comes in so many pretty colors.
My best bet for not shooting my mouth off is to come here and post. Then my mouth has shot off, but he doesn't hear it...you guys do, and understand better than he does.
Work your program .... just do the best you can. Some days you will see a difference, and some days you won't.
Aren't A's harder to talk to than children....it's so useless, and only slightly better when they are sober.
Genie,
Thanks for saying that, it is EXACTLY how I feel!
My "A" is MUCH worse than my daugther ever was and it is SO frustrating to try and talk to him. He does not listen and can outyell me anyday. My daughter can be frustrating but she does not yell at me, talks sense, and LISTENS (most of the time ).
My blood pressure is sky high from the frsutration. His alcoholism would probably kill me before it killed him if I did not find this place...
My "A" is so much like a toddler it is frustrating. The same constanst "no" attitude, the same defiance, the same picky eating...the same tantrums, only from a 6 foot 3 inch tall body builder, it is very scary and not cute at all.
My husband would drink so badly that I wake from headaches from the smell when I slept with him. He is in total denial. He can't smell it so when I try to talk to him about it when he is sober he says that all I smell is my "bad attitude". SIGH! Add rebellious teen to the list of childlike behavior alcoholics mimic.
I sure do relate too. I have this thing that a man attracts me by how he carries himself.
Well to me, now not saying this to hurt anyone, I worked sp. ed for 18 years, my A walked, and talked like he was retarded. I hated that. And really in a way the alcohol does retard the brain.
I could tell as soon as I layed eyes on him or heard him if he was drunk or even had a drop. He always thought he was so crafty and could down a pint at the end of the road, and I would not know.
oh you cannot smell vodka, right. So sad, such a waste. I would immediately be lonely for my husband. This was a walking disease, a pod person taken over by alcoholism.
So.... after alanon, just does not matter to me anymore. It is like autopilot. If I am around him and he is not him, I just go the other way. Won't waste my time. It is no one I want to know anyway.
The smell does not bother me any more. In fact I could sit and watch tv with him and maybe even hold his hand. I was learning to ignore the disease and just enjoy his presence. My A, if it is just alcohol, is usually fairly quiet. It is when he mixed it with xanax that he went totally bonkers.
Anyway, if you live with a using A, alanon is what will save ya, that is for sure. I was actuarlly pretty happy. But sadly my A mixes stuff, like i told you and can get terribly mean.
I won't put up with that. He tends to forget I am stronger than him anyway, so I have to throw him out again. I hate that. I want the mean disease to leave, not my husband.
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