The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I don't mean the person i mean the disease. I am new to this whole thing of not being alone and talking about my feelings. Not very good yet. I don't understand how someone get so low that they need help and still don't see it. My mom got so bad and lived in such awful conditions and yet would not call and ask for help. I gave her an ultimatum to get help or I or my children can't be around her. I will always love her but it needed to be my way. I don't know if she realized that she was dying but she never called and how to I get over that. Every day is getting better but it still hurts and i still cry alot. I guess i just wonder how lonely and sad she was at the end and still didn't want to call me. I wonder if the alcohol was more important to her than her only daughter.
I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that we all have our own HPs, higher powers whether it be God or a person's own belief. Try to picture her HP with her the entire time and know she was not alone. You did the best you could at the time and that is all we can understand so we don't get caught up in guilt. Expressing your feelings and talking them out is so important for healing. Feelings are just that,,feelings,,,,no good or bad ones. So if this site helps you to do that, please post and vent some more. Many others here have lost loved ones to the monster/alcoholism too, so you are not alone. your friend in recovery, cdb
I'll keep you in my prayers for peace and understanding. One thing you will notice as you become more aware of alcoholism is the importance of taking care of yourself. It sounds like despite not having the program or understanding of how to cope using the resources we are given here, that you did EXACTLY what you needed to do to be okay for yourself and children. The truth is even had you understood the effect of alcoholism on your mother, had you decided to not do what you needed to do to take care of yourself, you would have STILL experienced the pain because we are powerless over helping others with an addiction. All we can do is take care of ourselves and our reactions or responses to the situation and circumstances. Sometimes that means walking away, as there are many times I've walked away from my family with my children to be okay for me-- even for a couple of years and then felt strong enough to have them back again in my life, only to have to set firm boundaries and implement limited or no contact with them once again. Just as an alcoholic deserves respect even in their most critical or abusive moment towards others, WE deserve that respect reciprocated and although this is an illness, there are STILL choices AND there are plenty of resources for the alcoholic to seek help. It is not about us saving them, nor living their life for them, but it is about not allowing them to step on us and not have to accept whatever consequences their actions bring to them.
As you, I did have to walk away from an alcoholic-- a man I truly love with all my heart. BUT, as time progressed, the pain was replaced with peace and although the good memories are still there and will always remain, I know that I did what was best for me and my children to be at peace internally, building my relationship with God. Lastly, I would suggest that any emotions you feel going through ths grief, you give to God to get through. He will NEVER disappoint you nor forsake you.
Welcome to Al Anon - where you are never alone again. We are all here for the same reason, to learn to get thriught the emontion, to Act instead of React, to look after ourselve & children, to find some kind of peace in our own heads. This disease is definatly a FAMILY disease and affects all of us. You are in the right place.
I am a recovery A (Alcoholic) with a hubby that is still very active(drinking). Even being a recovery A, I too have a hard time dealing with his drinking. We have no Control!!!!!!. A's are sick people even though you cannot see it. I drank for almost 35 years ( I am 48 now) and NO ONE. absoulutly, NO ONE could tell me I was an A. It just wasn't possible. We think of A's as homeless people, or down trodened people. We A's come from all walk of life, all races, religions, classes. ALCOHOL IS NOT VERY RACIST !!!.
I find that, even being a recovering A, I still need to learn & read sll about alcoholism.. It is not us who drink, but it really helps me somewhat understand what is happening to them & how they think. Just my opinion.
A's don't feel that they have a choice - when we say to them "How could you choose drinking over me?" it's as if we had said "How could you choose breathing over me?". Some manage to have the courage and despair necessary to take that leap, to try to live without drinking. Some never get there. It doesn't have anything to do with their love for us, though. I believe that for most of us, our A's love us as best they can. They are so sick and damaged, though, that if we need to rely on their love, it won't be enough to sustain us. This is why we have alanon - a way to find the love and support that we need, and just will not get from our A's.
