The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I started last Monday or Tuesday with the thought "Let Go and Let God"...this has been hard for me to trust God completely. My A goes out every Friday with the guys. His best friend's dad is very very sick and had to have surgery to remove blood clots from his legs, they said because this man only has 10% of his liver function he may not make it through the surgery. The hospital made this man sign a waiver with the content that if he ever drinks again they will not re-admit him to that hospital and they are not liable for recovery of this surgery. Last year he suffered massive internal bleeding from his alcohol consumption.
I stopped last night and dropped off his best friend's birthday present and then went on my way to visit a girl friend, came home and was totally at peace with letting go and letting God. Fell asleep easily. I awoke at 4:45am to no husband. I tried to call his cell but it went into his voice mail, which means he turned it off. I layed back down and said the Serenity Prayer and Let Go Let God over and over until I fell back to sleep. When I awoke at 8am, still no husband.
I got ready and my son and I went and ran errands. It is now 1:00pm and still no word. I am trying so very hard not to revert to old behaviors. I did call his best friend's wife and left a message, she called me back and said they probably went to the dad's house after the bar and crashed there. That puts me somewhat at ease, but when letting go and letting God the worry is still there, especially after the sucide comment last weekend. So I think I have to trust God more.
I have my day planned with yard work and laundry etc. etc. My life must still go on.
I recently had to let go and let god too the night my daughter called me drunk and out of her mind. It is a process and for me involves much emotion. I cried, screamed and cried some more before I was able to let go and let god. I was so afraid she would drive and kill someone or kill herself. Our emotions are part of us so at times it is healthy to feel them. I finally did calm down and go to sleep to help me so I didn't get ill. Letting go to me doesn't mean being a door matt either. The alcoholic needs to be accountable for their whereabouts in my humble opinion and their actions. That is where boundaries come in. The boundaries are for us. So, I wish you the best in your situation. Remember, babysteps when working the program. Mean what you say and say what you mean but don't say it mean. You deserve to be respected and treated well too. Hang in and keep connecting with your HP/higher power for guidance too. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
