The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Here is something I wish someone had told me 4 years ago.....
If you even suspect that your marriage may be headed toward divorce...while you still have the chance...photocopy absolutly everything you can get your hands on. Every bank statement, pay stub, insurance form, income tax return, investment statement, legal aggreement, credit card statement, medical report, perscription reciept, bill, arrest form, employer review....everything.
Document everything on a pocket calender now....chances are even though we think we will remember, our timeline get's blurred because there is soooo much happening all the time.
I am 3 1/2 years trying to finalize my divorce and if I have learn one thing it's this...when divorcing an A (mine is dry) a good paper trail is a girl's best friend. These guys can be very crafty and creative when they set their mind to it.
And the last thing.....always remember they only have as much power over you as you give them.
Tell me about it! I am also in the middle of divorcing my A. He is all in a tizzy because the new person in my life has the opposite political views as him and doesn't want our daughter influenced by him! Of course it didn't bother him at all to be drunk 24x7 in front of her spouting his own radical views of life.
My A has been sober since 12/3/08, the day we agreed to separate. He seems to have no memory of the 10 years prior to sobering up. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, sober or not. Keep your power, don't let him take it from you. Good luck!
It is a difficult road to walk thru - divorce with an A - active or sober - when the dysfunction comes in.
For me - this is when my recovery was needed the most - when "the rubber hit the road" so to say. . .
I lost my new home, lots of things, had to file bankruptcy and went thru many of the horror stories you see on the "Lifetime movie channel" - My exAH is actually living in what use to be my home for free - unbelievable - but actually TRUE.
BUT This is where Acceptance (which doesn't mean agreement or condoning), Gratitude and Serenity become my MOST important tools from the God of my understanding and my program of recovery.
I still have twinges of pain, anger and strife about this situation some days. At these times, I hit my knees asking my HP to heal me and continue me on my path of recovery - but most of the time - I am enjoying my new life - regardless of the "things" i have lost.
Why - Because - Each day I am Happy, joyous and PINKFULLY Free!!
May you find that for you soon too!!!
HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity) Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Oh yeah, I hear you. AND call the police so there is a record of the violence. AND above all, DO NOT PUT EVERYTHING INTO HIS NAME- lord, I was a trusting idiot...no more! And always keep a private little nest egg that just you and only you know about. And another set of all keys (car and house, etc.) Good topic! Only HP helped me make it through my divorce. I lost EVERYTHING- all family heirlooms, valuables, art, etc. Its going to take years to really recover financially and I was only married 5/6 years. I cannot imagine the financial ruin of people involved with this kind of thing for 20+ years. But I gotta say, I am glad to not be involved anymore, it was OK to lose everything to get my health and safety back which I now cherish more than anything in the world. Now I have a good job and am in a MUCH better situation/life/world- a grateful member of al-anon- Jean
Sorry Agatha...Alcoholism is an equal opportunity disease and it cunning powerful and baffling. My alcoholics and addicts were female and the disease beat the crap out of me because I didn't have the program then and didn't know better.
If I had taken up acting I could have done some great victim and martry rolls. LOL
