The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is amazing how our God works at times.I just wrote my post of goodby and I still mean it for now.I Read one most post and it was your reponse to someone who is seperating from her a in her life.
I read your things you need and my heart began to soften and began to cry than sob,The ex a i left 3 years ago has married someone he met at aa.I got a call and a message left on my message machine hey it me ..... (like i didnt know his voice) this is my amends i am sorry hurt you have a good day that was about 8 months ago and then a couple of months later he married the girl he met at aa and cheated with.
i read you post and thought that is all i ever wanted for him to realize all the abuse the lies the cheating how it hurt me and that he was really sorry.
well 2 years later him in recovery that call never came and i knew lately their is so much anger and the hurt hasd engulfed me readeing your post i thank you cause it hleped me cry not cry because he is not in my life any more not cry cause my parents both are dead from achchol not cry cause of all the rape incest and abuse , not cry cause my sister was killed by a drunk driver not cary cause i recently lost my job and had a fire and lost everything a year ago
no cry because i am powerless and i feel my life is unmageable . they recentrly diagnoised me as bi polar and post tramtic syndrom and i wanted to yell from the top of the house well i live in a apt ha yell i am tired give me a break , i dont drink i dont do drugs i am good mom a good friend most days ha and i am a chrtistian who loves God and enough is enough.
anyways thanks for helping me cry the kids are not home and i havent cried throgh most of this i didnt go to any one furnerals and i cry but i start little teears and i stopped them cause you know why i am afraid if i really cry i will never stop
I always have a box of kleenex by my pc and let go alot.
Their is ALOT of grief in these rooms, and hope and miracles.
I am living the miracle every day of being away from my emotionally abusive controlling mean alcoholic husband of 14 years
The things I posted about what I need from my husband I know will never happen.
They are more for me to review and remember and keep in mind when he calls me begging for us to get back together.
I say RUN to anyone who can.
I so much agree with your post on never dating an A.
Yet, I am realizing with newcomers, that to go slower on the education sometimes is needed. I feel like I might need more than alanon to cope with my recovery.
I feel I might need a course in sociology or social work or something.
We really put ourselves on the line in here.
I have seen great things happen.
I will send you a PM (private message) tonight
Megan
-- Edited by megan at 07:00, 2005-07-13
__________________
Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I got it from extreme physical abuse from my first husband. As you can imagine, the situation with my current husband is NOT helping this much.
Take it easy on yourself, I have had PTSD for twenty years. I have learned to live with it and it is not so bad.
Some things I do which help:
1) I am not hard on myself, but do what I need to do to cope with it. I have the constant preparedness thing the worst. I usually have to sleep in my clothes to be able so sleep at all. Many times I cannot sleep in my bed, but have to sleep on the sofa, so if someone tries to break in I can hear it and wake up and not be surprised in my bed, too asleep, unaware. That is my thinking.
I look at it this way. It is not illegal or immoral to sleep in my clothes...who am I hurting to do this if it helps me? And it does. Some day are worse and I have to sleep with my shoes on and bra with my purse and keys by my side. Sometimes I can sleep in my bed and other times I have to sleep on the sofa. Sometimes I can sleep in my pajamas in my bed, and sometimes in my pajamas on the sofa. Whatever I need to do I do to get some sleep.
2) I also have the flashback thing so I forbid any and all conversation, questions, etc. about my first husband. I have banished him for my life and my mind. My family amd friends know that I am deadly serious about this and don't dare bring him up. If they do, they are treated to a look that would shrivel the sun and I don't respond, it never happens again...
3) I basically don't ever watch movies or TV shows. Every time someone gets punched or kicked, I "FEEL" it in the form of a flashback. It is awful for me. Do you you know how much violence is on TV today? Even in sitcoms? You would not believe it. I have taped episodes of "I Love Lucy", "Leave it to Beaver" and other such mostly harmless non-violent programs to have to 'watch" when I want background noise. I have missed out on a lot of cultural references, but so what? I am taking care of myself and it is helping.
4) I never ever read novels, I only read non fiction books about things I am interested in.
5) I have had enough abuse, pain, heartache, etc. to last a lifetime, so I try to avoid it in my life. I rarely if ever watch the news, if I want to see the weather I watch the weather channel.
When someoine wants to tell me some type of horrible situation, that is gossipy I actually hold up my hand and tell them FIRMLY to STOP, I DON'T want to hear about it, I have my own sob stories and don't need to hear someone else's. That is when it is second hand. If it is first hand I always listen patiently so I can help, comfort, and encourage. But someone else telling me something sad that they HEARD about does not help me at all and I can't help the people in the story since I don't know them.
I try to surround myself with positive things, news, stories, activities as much as I can to counteract all of the negative painful thoughts, feelings, and memories that I have.
I have felt MUCH better since employing all of these strategies.
I guess this is a time to be balanced and say something good about A husband. He does nto believe in PTSD but knows how I was abused and lets me do whatever I need to deal with it but just about this...if I sleep on the sofa he does not complain and never says a word about me sleeping in my clothes.
I have a LOT of trouble sleeping at night, when it is dark, and someone might break into the house...SIGH! I really only sleep well during the day. I just adjusted by taking a job in the evenings which works with my schedule. "A" does nto complain about this either. As long as I don't interfere with his drinking he is happy and does not interfere with my life either.
I got so used to my PTSD that I did not even give it a s econd thought, until I had to spend the night at a freind's house in an emergency. A had gone crazy and I tried to lock him out and he broke in anyway and was REALLY mad. I could have never slept in this house.
When I got there I just took my purse, I was planning to come home in the morning after he left for work to shower and change. My friend kept offereing her pajamas to wear, and kept insisting, thinking I said no to be polite. I FINALLY just told her I had PTSD and had to sleep in my clothes (and shoes). I was just too tired for misunderstandings. I was so proud that she did not know and never suspected. I try to hide it as best I can and am pretty succesful.
She knew what that was and later suggested that I get treatment and take medication for it. I don't want to do that. I guess I have gotten so used to dealing with it on my own that it is not a big deal. I think I handle it well. My therapist says so also. I have had it for so long it is a part of me now and I probably wouldn't know who I was without it, LOL, I would have to learn to watch TV again and gulp, go to the movies!
Still I try to make progress. I made myself a couple of pairs of pajamas that are pretty substantial as in a button up long sleeved shirt and long pants out of flannel that I would not mind so much having to jump out of a window in. I was able to wear those most nights in the winter.
