The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This week has definetly tested my will. I spent alot of it angry and frustrated, then on Thursday night I go bowling, for me, my night out. My a came home in an ugly mood, I started a conversation with him about something that happened at work, that set him into this speal about how there is no freedom in this town/state because he got caught for DWI and a DLS (on a dirt bike) in 1 year. The DWI he knows was his fault but sometimes he tries to pass the buck. But because he got caught crossing the road on a dirk bike, he thinks the cop was unjustified by giving him a ticket.
So I bought into the bulls**t and reacted, saying things like boohoo and I don't have any problems. I also accused him of smoking pot and told him to empty his pockets. After a moment of letting it all sink in, he went off tried to put my hand in his pocket and then when I refused he threw things on the floor from his pocket and yelled. Funny thing is I got a phone call right when he started to blow, I had to completely ignore him while he ranted and raved and called me a b**ch. So instead of continuing the heated discussion I decided that I was going out and that I would just go get ready, take a shower and so-on. Then I went bowling. Typical of him, he acted like it had never happened when I got home and so did I.
The next day he came home in an ugly mood, I looked at him and he snarled at me. I told I didn't think it would work out between us if that was the way he was going to treat me, I've been married to him for 10 years - most of that filled with lives, alcohol and other women, I don't need to take disrespect anymore. I realize that I don't deserve to dish it out either. The mood changed immediately and yesterday while my kids where gone he took me bowling, just the two of us. He snuck into the bar but I ignored it and didn't mention it.
So I am feeling good about my growth and I hope that I can continue on this path. Learning control is so hard but that is where I need to start. I need to control my mouth and my mind. I need to STOP and think about me.
Holly I am glad you are posting. Sometimes when we post or talk with others,,we release pent up frusterations that can usually go "round and round" in our heads. Most times when I post or journal or vent to alanon people,,I find my own answers within it. Detaching came to mind reading your post. In alanon we learn:
*Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people
*Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of anothers recovery
*Not to do for others what they could do for themselves
*Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up,,pay bills,,,not drink
*Not to cover up for anyone elses mistakes or misdeeds
*Not to create a crisis
*Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events
Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. It simply is a means that allows us to separate ourselves from the adverse effects that another persons alcoholism can have upon our lives.
Keep up the good work,,and keep coming back,,,,,,,,,,,,gardengal
