The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been feeling so much anger, disappointment and resentment lately. I thought it was important to write this letter to my husband. I thought it may fit your situation as well. It's not well thought out because I was feeling very emotional when I wrote it.
Dear (Addict),
First of all, I want you to know that I do not think your addiction defines who you are as a person. You are so much more than the sum of your addiction. When I become angry and say that I don’t love you anymore, it is not you I am talking to, but your addiction.
When I fell in love with you, I fell in love with a man who I thought was kind, faithful, generous, loving, selfless, funny, and free spirited. You were so attentive and made me feel like a queen. You won my heart and the hearts of my children, though not before they tested you repeatedly. I had felt so hurt and betrayed in my past that I even put you through a few tests of my own.
Through everything, you brought out the best in me. You made me see the lighter side of things and taught me to relax. Later, I realized that it was immaturity. I also realized that when we were married, I didn’t know the real you. I only knew what you let people see. I didn’t see past the mask you put on for everyone. One morning,, I woke up and realized I fell in love with your potential, or, more accurately, the potential I saw in you. I kept pushing you to do your best, or at least, the best I thought you could do. What I did not realize was that you were doing the best you could with a horrible disease. Your best and my expectations were not one in the same.
I want to tell you that I miss you. I miss your smile and light-heartedness. I miss the fun we used to have. I miss the man I fell in love with. I miss the man who was my partner. It was us against the world. Together, we could do anything. The children miss their father and are missing out on the valuable lessons that you could teach them. I know you are lost in there somewhere. I pray that you find a way out. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of the man you once were and that is what keeps me holding on. I don’t want to give up on that man.
I love you and want you to find your way back to us.
(((((((((((((((Powerless)))))))))))))) I cried when I read that letter yes the ones we fall in love with are underneath that mask. My husband hides also many times, and I hang in to the wonderful memories of the Man I know is underneath love to you my friend and your children I also have 3 kids 16 15 & 5 I am thankful for any glimpse of hope for maybe an hour will turn into a day that maybe turn into a week and then longer Keep comming love cloud
That is an awesome letter. :) I must admit, you have more strength than I cause I walked away, feeling all that you expressed in your letter, but just couldn't do it anymore. :(
God has truly blessed you with patience, love, and such compassion... I don't know if I could ever do it and that is my weakness-- at least the patience. To be completely honest, I don't want to do it because I'm so tired.. :( But I also know that I cannot walk away from everyone and I do believe my time has come now with my daughter to stick with it, loving my daughter as she needs to be loved, develop patience with her recovery and as she makes poor choices.
