The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was just reading Chad's post and while responding I realized how much I had learned in the year I have been here about detachment.
When I first started I believed detachment meant, put a big wall up between you and don't do anything for them. I completely missed the with love part of the detachment process. I read everything in sight and decided that I shouldn't do anything for him, but what I have found is that you can still do for your a, but only when they ask, and you need to weight it out, figure out if I do this for them is it really helping them or am I enabling them.
There is a fine line there that I must admit I don't always distinguish the difference. One of my most recent problems was has been his birthday, I bought him shoes so no problem there, but others wanted to give him money or gift certificates. I didn't want them to give him money because I felt like he would spend it in the wrong place, so I said get him a gift certificate, but you know I think that I should have stayed out of it because it wasn't my business. I felt like if we lined his pockets he would drink more, but maybe he wouldn't, but in any event it is up to him what he wants.
Detachment is a very hard thing to do. I am still learning how to do it. I think it is going to take some time for me to be able to get a hang of it. I am going to keep trying.
Becky
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
Holly!!! yes, yes, yes!!!! Wow good for you!! Do you even see the progress you have made??
I was so happy when I read this post. You figured it out yourself!! Right, it is not our business. We just love them period. What they do is thier choice, as we want to live our lives too.
I love it when I get to see the miracles!! Keep going lady, you are on your path.
