The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am going to try and not call my husband. It is going to be a very hard thing to do. I love to call him and see how he is doing. I love to hear his voice. It is going to be min to min for me. I am hoping by my help of my higher power.
I don't why it is so diffuclt for me to stop calling him. When he goes to his meeting I am also going to try not to call him.
Becky
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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
I'm not sure why you can't call your husband. Are you seperated???? I understand you can't call him all the time but if it makes you happy to pick up the phone and talk to him I don't see why you can't, unless of course he has asked you not to, then you need to respect that.
I do relate to this though, I used to work with my a in his family business until he got a DWI and had to leave his driving position here for other work that didn't require a drivers license, when he was here I could see him all the time and know what he was up to, talk to him whenever I wanted. But now that he isn't here, I don't get to talk to him much throughout the day. Which seems to be a good thing since we don't have much to talk about right now. I call him when I need to know something but other than that I have had to learn to leave him alone during the day and let him work. My a had an affair so this is especially hard because my brain can work overtime on what he is doing and who he is with. But I have also decided that in order to work on me I had to be less concerned about him.
I guess if I knew why you didn't feel you could call I understand better. So sorry if this rambling doesn't help. Keep coming back and posting, it helps.
Good for you!! Remember progress not perfection. Lets say if you go from 5 calls to 2 that is good!! It is progress. Calling to say I love you have a good day is just fine but when I call to check up on hubby is not ok. None of my business what he is up too. I can't do any thing about it.
Also I think being supportive is the best that I can do.
I heard something in a meeting here that's really helped me with this issue. "Keep your mind where your butt is". If I'm at work, I try to focus on work and not let those worries or thoughts take over. Distractions work wonders. If I'm totally concentrating on the task at hand it's a lot easier to miss making those "just checking on you" calls that had become such habit. No matter what my "a" might be doing...a call from me won't change anything. I don't have control over everything anyway. Once I realized the compulsion to "check in" constantly slowly subsided (certainly not gone but it's not all consuming either). I don't have to be thinking of 100 things at any given time. I have learned to have a life and to keep my mind for the moment where my butt is. I really have leanded on that slogan A LOT over the past few weeks.
