The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Living with an A is a tough road, especially if they are active. Early in our relationship when my A was active he caused me and my family alot of distress. After 9 months together he took off on me to Las Vegas, stealing items of mine and selling them to make his trip possible. Due to the fact that I was out of work and pretty much left in emotional and financial ruin (I have since been thru bankruptcy) I moved home with my parents for a time. My family including my father, my brother and my brother-in-law moved me and my stuff.
After a several month separation my A and I reconciled. Our separation changed him dramatically, he came back to me totally settled down, ready to commit, willing to compromise and ready to work on our relationship like a partnership (and he was even still drinking). We have been back together 2 1/2 years now and he continues to treat me great. Due to serious health issues which surfaced last year he has been working real hard to stay sober.
My mom has been willing to accept my A almost from the beginning of our reconciliation but my father and siblings wanted nothing to do with him. That has been hard on me since he has not been included in family functions and I don't think I should have to go as a "single" when I have a life partner. My dad has finally come around. We went out to my parents this weekend to visit and stayed overnight in their home. My father had bought me a used car and we went out to pick it up. Was a time dad refused to help me financially as long as I was with my A but as you can see that has changed. We had a nice visit, A was sober and nothing derogatory was said. THE PAST WAS LEFT WHERE IT BELONGS IN THE PAST.
Now if only my sister and brother would come around. My nephew (and godson) is graduating from HS next month but my A is not invited so I won't be going. Acceptance has its own time and we can't control it anymore than we can control the A. All we can do is be patient.
I too, have had to deal with my family's feelings throughout my marriage. My mother and father think that he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. When things got so bad that I said I was leaving, my parents actually told me that they would not help me if I left. My sister dislikes my husband because she thinks he is not good enough for me. She won't even speak to him when she is around. My adoptive parents refuse to help me financially because he is still here. It seems that no matter where I turn, someone has an opinion about my marriage. no wonder I have a hard time figuring things out in my own head. There is such a thing as too much imput!
