The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lately I am shutting out people who are not healthy for me. This is new behavior for me because I typically will be less willing to let go of people I think I need in my life. This exercise is self-discipline and listening to my HP has been good and bad.
I don't want to fall into isolating but I also am trying to learn how to be my own best company. I want to become the kind of person I want to attract. I am ready to be who my HP wants me to be.
But it doesn't feel very good right now. And, I'm having to cut out other people who are more healthy because they hang around these other people. Sometimes I wonder if I am really seeing things as they are or if they're all okay and I am nutty.
I don't like being in this state of in between but also don't think there is much I can do about it. I just want to have friends and family still when I get through this.
Thanks for listening,
Love and hugs, Jessi
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If you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done.
I think you are doing a good thing here!! The trick for me was finding the "right" people to hang out with. It takes time but not that much time. Try to remember that you are not alone when you are in here. It's not the same as having someone stop by to visit, but it helps. Before you know it, you will be attracting people to you that you "don't have to worry about". I think you know what I mean. Idid exactly what you are doing now. Before 2 months was up I had developed a set of friends that I could "trust". Hang in there .....remember YOU are COOL! ~mamasan. (mother of many, is what that means, in case no one ever heard of that!)
Thanks for posting. I, too, have been in a similar situation. Over the past few years, I've found that when I get into action and participate in the types of activities that are healthy for me I tend to attract and make the types of acquaintances and friends that are healthy for me. Whereas, the specifics of the activities that are healthy for me might not work for you, perhaps the principle will.
For instance, I spend a lot of time volunteering at my children's elementary school. As as result, I've made a lot of friends with other moms who consider raising their children a priority. We have a lot of fun and even get together for coffee sometimes after we drop off our kids.
I also volunteer once a month in my children's Sunday School classes and have made friends with others who value pursuing their spiritual path in similar ways to me.
I stay as active as possible with my home Alanon group, which again allows me the opportunity to spend time with folks who place importance on their recovery.
I'm also joining the YMCA for the summer so the kids and I can get more involved in physical activities. I'm sure I'll meet a few folks there with similar interests.
I won't go on. I'm sure you get my point.
On the reverse, I've made a conscious effort to avoid activities (and people) who are still into heavy drinking (and other various drugs). I choose not to have much contact because that type of environment is unhealthy for me, not because I judge whether or not they should be doing the same ole thing.
It's hard to let go of some people. Focusing on my recovery sometimes requires me to make difficult choices. It was really lonely at first because I didn't get support from those I was leaving. I stuck with my path and today I have new friends and feel so much more peaceful. My HP has really become my new best friend and is always there for me when it seems that no one else is.
Good luck to you in your journey. Perseverence brings amazing results.
I've often wondered the same and what I've come to realize is that it isn't that we are "nutty", as you put it, but rather we are able to SEE a healthier life than that of what we were taught to live. In being taught to live this life, of course most of the people in this old way of life are going to have the same type of character. So, ya see-- it is us, but what we have to realize is that we are CHOOSING to break a cycle that is unhealthy for us. We are choosing not to live in disrespectful, uncompassionate, and abusive relationships. Of course, this makes the people who are closest to us, who are not in recovery or will never acknowledge that they need to recover look at us differently, as if we "think" we are better than them. I only have ONE thing to say about that--- It is THEIR problem and if they do not love me and respect me for the person I am trying to be, then I MUST walk away.
I often tell me daughter that a family member is NO DIFFERENT than a stranger on the street that we would avoid due to their drug or alcohol use... A thief or some other person that could harm us physically, emotionally, or mentally. We would walk away from a stranger to be safe--- so why is it we stay in relationships that aren't safe?
Take Care and hang in there. I have found that for each person that has been negative in my life, God has provided someone to offset that person--- it's amazing how friends or coworkers can have more respect, show more kindness and concern for me than my own family at times. That alone helps me realize that it is not me that is as you put it "nutty".
