The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
> Do you find that a lot of your negative thoughts begin with the words > "What-if?" Does one anxious thought lead to another and another - only to > become a negative spiral of worry? When this happens, you're probably > using what-if thinking. > > WHAT IS "WHAT-IF" THINKING? > > What-if thinking occurs when you make negative predictions about the > future, usually starting with the words "What if?" Most of us can relate > to Juan's story of what-if thinking. Juan is running a few minutes late to > work. The first thought that pops into his head is: "What if I'm late for > my nine o' clock meeting?" > > But his thoughts don't stop there. > > His negative thoughts start snowballing. "What if I walk in late and > everyone looks at me? What if I get nervous, start sweating, and feel > embarrassed? What if my boss notices I can't handle it and I lose my job? > What if I can't afford to feed my family?" > > His body responds with a host of symptoms - his heart races, it's tough to > breathe, and there's a knot in his stomach the size of Texas. > > As you can see, when you use what-if thinking, one negative prediction > usually leads to another, and another, and another. This negative chain > has a snowball effect that leads to intense feelings of anxiety, loss of > control, and physical symptoms. > > WHAT YOU CAN DO > > Studies show that you have the power to change your thoughts. When you > change your thoughts, you create biochemical changes in your brain that > affect how your body and mind feel and react. In other words, change your > thoughts and you change your reality! > > How do you change your what-if thoughts? You do this by using the three > "R"s - Recognize, Replace, and Reinforce. > > 1) RECOGNIZE. Keep a small notepad with you. Each time you notice yourself > thinking a what-if thought, write it down. Writing things down helps you > to slow down and expose habitual negative thoughts to the light of day. If > you don't take the time to write down your what-if thoughts, it's easy to > miss them because you are so used to them. > > The Onion Technique. > The following technique can help you peel off layer after layer of > negative thoughts and reach the core negative belief. I call it the Onion > Technique because it's like peeling off layer after layer of an onion > until you reach the core. Here's how it works. When you are in a fairly > relaxed mood, take out your notepad and open it up to the first what-if > thought. Read the thought and then ask yourself: "And what if that did > happen? Then what would happen?" Write down your answer. Repeat this > process of digging deeper several times, each time asking "And what if > that did happen? Then what would happen?" and writing down your answer. > > After several layers you will reach your core belief - the belief that is > at the root of your fears. In Juan's case he might reach this core belief: > "If I can't feed my family, my wife and kids will be disappointed in me. > They'll leave me and I'll be all alone." His real fear - what is driving > his what-if thoughts - is his fear of being rejected, unloved, and all > alone if he disappoints the people he loves. That's the belief that Juan > needs to replace in order to beat the what-if blues. His worry about > arriving a few minutes late to the meeting will fade once he addresses > this core issue. > > 2) REPLACE. Once you've pinpointed the core negative belief, decide what > your new belief will be. Adjust the old belief so that it promotes your > well being and reflects the reality you want to create. When creating your > new belief, make sure to: > > -- use the present tense > > -- use "I statements" > > -- focus on what you want (not what you don't want) > > In Juan's case, here are several new beliefs he may want to use to replace > the unhealthy belief: > > -- "I am worthy of love, even when I disappoint others." > > -- "I am loved for who I am, not how much I earn. I love my family and we > will get through life's challenges together." > > -- "Since I am human, I will disappoint the people I love occasionally. I > can be imperfect and still receive love." > > When you notice yourself using a what-if thought, stop it in its tracks. > It may help to visualize the word "No" or "Stop" in big red letters in > your mind. This action interrupts the thought. Then immediately change > your focus by replacing the what-if thought with the new, healthier > thought you created. > > 3) REINFORCE. Once you have chosen your new belief, reinforce it several > times a day. Say the new belief with feeling. Believe that it is true, > even if only for a moment. Think it. Say it aloud. Write it down. You can > even record yourself saying the belief for several minutes and then play > it back every night just as you're drifting off to sleep. Just like any > other habit, the more you practice, the sooner it will become second > nature to you. > > Making the new belief a part of your life takes time and consistent > practice, but the results are worth it. You chase away the what-if blues > and the physical symptoms that go along with it. And even better, you > change the way you look at life!
