The material presented
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It is good to be back to this site! When I first left I said I would be back in 3 to 5 days,,,,but,,,,it was hard for me to leave my parents once I was with them. As I said before, my mom has alzheimers and my dad is in congestive heart failure and can't breathe well (but does not require oxygen tube, etc.) They just moved from AZ to ND to be closer to me and to move back to the town they lived in 43 years ago. I hadn't seen them for 7 months and to see how much my mom's alzheimers has progressed was a shock and a heart breaker for me :( It still is. Dad is way worse too :( Not only have I had to accept my soon to be 21 year old daughter's alcoholism/drug abuse but now I have to accept the awful, horrible disease of alzheimers.
I found that the skills/tools I have learned in alanon have worked with all aspects of my life including mom's alzheimers. There were times I could have just cried and cried, but I held it until I came back home. At the time I let go and let god and detatched. I still need to work on that one because I did find myself using food as a comfort which is a big downfall for me and my health. But progress not perfection and babysteps. The only way I can deal with my parents health problems is living one day or one hour at a time. Spending time with them and helping them get organized in their new homes (Duplex,cabin) was a great challenge for me. I have my own health problems too and I had to be careful not to damage myself. Somehow adrenaline kept me going and now that I am home I can rest and try to pace myself better. I do believe my HP/God gave me the power to do what I needed to do when with them. Thank you God!
When I was gone my husband got all upset over our recovering alcoholic daughter's life. When I would talk to him all he could talk about was worrying about her and if she was going to relapse. That just shows how much a person needs alanon for he has chosen not to use alanon. I was able to detatch from my daughter's disease while gone. I am hoping I can still be like that now that I am home where she lives closer to me.
If you remember, right before I left my daughter's 19 year old friend had committed suicide. The cousin of the guy lives in Reno, an old short term boyfriend of hers. She informed my husband a few days ago she had bought a bus ticket to Reno to go see this guy. Well, I decided not to bring it up to my daughter when I got home. She did mention it to me yesterday. I just mentioned that if she is going on these vacations while her dad is working overtime to pay her rent if needed then she will be totally responsible for all her bills. She agreed. She said she is surprising this guy in Reno ( he doesn't know she is coming) but his mom knows about it and will pick her up at the bus station. Well, I could make this into a huge drama like before but I am choosing not to. I am thinking if the Runaway bride can get on a bus and survive then so can my daughter. LOL My humor is still working. This guy does drink. He is the one that was in Iraq and discharged due a mental breakdown from being with his brother-in-law who was blown apart while he held him in his arms and fought off enemy insurgents. NO kidding! The 19 year old that committed suicide was the cousin to this one too. It sounds like a story but this is for real! Just think about all this family is going through! I guess if my daughter drinks when there that is her problem. Detatch,,,my survival for this trip she is taking. Oh, and prayers and guidance from my HP/God too.
As you can see, I have a lot on my plate so to speak. But without alanon and this chatsite I wouldn't be as calm and serene as I have been :) With all of your support, I can hang in and make it one day at a time! Thanks for listening and for being here for me. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
Wow sounds like right out of a movie. My thoughts are with you. I always thought it was recommended in recovery not to date for a year. Guess things have changed. I hope you find some peace from the chaos in your life.
kerry
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
It sure is recommended! My daughter even said at the family meeting that she was waiting etc. and had learned she was using guys as her higher power. Well, my daughter has many friends who are guys. So she and this guy are more like friends now. She has no problem with this, but the guys usually do. She does have a couple guys that have been true friends for many years now too. So as far as romance, I figure this is more of a friendship trip. Just hope the guy can see it that way too. I am glad you brought this point up. One guy that has wanted to date her for years now took her to a concert last night because he couldn't find a date. (he is home from Iraq too) They went as friends and my daughter got back home after the concert and went to hang out with an AA girlfriend of hers camping for the night. My daughter has proven to have very good boundaries while sober. I am so proud of her and her continued sobriety :) cdb
Welcome back. It is nice you were able to spend time with your parents. Hope they are settling in alright. Glad to hear your daughter is also holding her own. Take care of yourself. Your friend, Lisa
Thanks Jeannie and lebe for your replies :) It is good to be back although I will be gone alot in the future as well. I will be going to my mom's doctor appointments with her and going to visit my parents when I can....2 hours away. This summer they live in a cabin in Canada so I will spend some more time there too where dad will have a computer set up. As far as daughter's trip, I am handling it good today at this moment for who knows what challenges I will have ahead. My parents are not quite settled either. My aunt/uncle and my parents actually traded houses! My uncle bought my parents house in AZ and my parents bought their duplex in ND. They are trading some furniture too, like the washer/dryer, dressers, etc. to save on moving costs. A very interesting concept LOL. So when my parent's things arrive I will help (or do most of it) unpack and put things in their place. So, I will probably need alot of support when that day comes in July. Thanks again for your replies! I have missed you! cdb
cdb, Most regards! Allowing one to find self is a most interesting path, eh? My 2nd cousin-in-law got alzhimers as well. He was so precious. At the end, he started peeing out the front door and I do not know where he thought he was. I did not freek - he'd been doing it for a while, however. All we can do is love one another in the work to recovery. Great job - glad u r taking care of you. like you, I keep pointing other's to recovery. I do not know if someone's slip is a sign of synaptic confusion or addiction - I know there are some signs that overlap, however, and go from there. Allowing is a process... Great job! gentle paths n light n love to all, eh? Love in recovery, \/\/ille welcome back kiddo!
