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I guess I have lost alot of courage in the past year. I had the whole talk last sunday, now today I've lost any energy to fight anymore. My son's birthday party for kids was today, by the time it was over of course my husband was dying to drink. Ya know what, I didn't fight it, I just let him go. I just can't fight it anymore.
I'm sure my kids are confused, one minute were fighting over drinking, one minute daddy just leaves to go drinking. Ughh.....
It just takes all my energy to raise two boys, the party was really exhausting, and I just sometimes need to just give up. I'm still smoke free and it's really hard, and that's taking all my energy too. Plus I get crabby from it, and I'm sick of hating my moods, so I just couldn't say anything today.
I have been doing more in alanon to try to get my head on straight.. it just seems there is not enough time to get all this stuff done. Work on my self, work on not smoking, stick up for my boundaries, and try to set a good example for the kids amongst craziness and drinking.
I'm really trying but could lose my mind alot of the time. Make sense?
Flower, Seems that sometimes that things just seem to pile up, I'm not sure about the somking thing, lol been trying hard last couple weeks and have gotten it down to 6 a day, this is a milestone for me. Glad your trying to quit!! You just have to want to quit, atleast that is what I tell myself, time and time and time again lol. Good luck on that flower, that is something really tangiable that you are doing for you. I know its not easy!!!!!!!! As far as the drinking and craziness...all I can say is that the less you take part in the craziness, letting it affect you (your reactions especially) and the kids the better. It's hard enouth for the kids with one parent driven to stupidity by alcohol, they don't need two, that being two being stupid over one's drinking. So hang in there Flower, for you and for your kids.
I am glad you are here. I can relate to the feeling of letting go. When I finally gave up and let the people who wanted alcohol more than a relationship with me go, my life became more sane and serene. We have the 3 C's. We didn't cause it (whew); we can't control it (letting go) and we can't cure it. That freed my controlling nature. Let Go and Let God. I can't, he can, I will let him.
Regarding your smoking, I had a similar incident with caffeine. With my health, my doctor told me that the caffeine had to go -- I loved coffee, pepsi and tea. Well it took me about 3 weeks of headaches, complete exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed by giving up the caffeine, but it really worked. Now I am caffeine-free and feel so much better health wise. I wish you luck.
Getting healthy emotionally, spiritually will be a gift you can give yourself and your children. You are both worth it. So keep coming. We also have online meetings which I find to be a lifeline to my spiritual growth. I hope you join us one day.
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Hi Flower , dosen't sound like denial to me at all, sounds to me like your getting it ! Too tired to object to his drinking , good deal its a waste of time anyway. ever hear the More I try to open someones eyes, the more they close thier ears? that one stuck with me for some reason.
focus on yourself and your children, he will do what he has to do, accept that and you will be much happier. This is his to fix you have to get your life back on track our kids deserve one sane parent. If you have our ODAT go to page on July 14th that page changed my life , I kind of used it lke a map,of what to chnge, do what it says and you will begin to feel better. that page and our detachment pamphlet changed my life for the better it will change yours too.
