The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"Sometimes we make choices with relative ease. One option feels right. We have no negative feelings about the other choice. On some occasions, we may be faced with what one man described as a "hard call".
"I had raised my own children alone," Jason said. "And I did a good job. I enjoyed my independence, but I relished the idea of being in a relationship at some time in my life. .............I met a woman I truly liked. We spent time together, got right up to the edge of being committed, but I had to back off. ......They (her teens) didn't want me in their mother's life. I didn't want to lose this woman. But at a deeper level, I really didn't want to be involved in the teenage years of raising someone else's children. I knew I had to let her go.", he said. It was a hard call."
A hard call is when we don't like either choice, but one option is unacceptable. Hard calls can take many shapes and forms. We may love someone who has a serious drinking problem and simply decide we can't live with him or her---despite how we feel about the person. We may love someone who has physically abused us or displayed signs of violent behavior, while our feelings may be genuine, so is the danger. We can be faced with hard calls at work. At one point I could hardly tolerate my supervisors. But I liked the work I was doing. I decided to stay; I'm still glad I did.
Hard calls are a part of life. They force us to examine our values and determine what's genuinely important to us. The insist that we choose the path that's in our highest good.
God, when I am face with a tough decision, help me be gentle with myself and others as I sort out, with your help,what's right for me.
"More Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie (p. 115), April 10th
Thank you so much for posting this, as I have found that my life "making the hard calls", is much more peaceful and stable as it had ever been. Of course, there have been "hard calls", I've been forced to make. What I am finding is that with each hard call I am making, the next is more recognizable-- the pain may be the same, BUT, the outcome is peace and the pain subsides.
When I was in my unhealthy relationships, it never mattered if I made hard calls from day to day-- the hard call to detach for instance was essentially for me just avoiding my needs and what I wanted in my life. The hard call I had to make was to choose to walk away from many people who have been unhealthy in my life BECAUSE it held me back from who I really am as a person, who I long to be and the success I strive for each day of my life. Most importantly, it held me from forming a strong relationship with God because by tolerating everything I felt I wasn't trusting God to bring people into my life that were different than I had known in offering stable relationships with boundaries, trust and compassion.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for that strength to get through some most difficult "hard calls". Looking back now, these hard calls were some of the BEST choices of my life and I have NO REGRETS, wouldn't ever change a thing I've been through. I live each day with the realization that this day is the first day of the rest of my life, a chance to start over, start again and be the person I was meant to be.
