Thank you all for responding.  I kept beating myself up because I can't feel the love for my A when he is drinking.  It makes sense now why I don't.  We all know those ugly characteristics caused by drinking...who can love that behavior...and there is no reason why I should.

It is lonely, though.  I have always been a romantic who sought love.  Then I had my family and that love is so fulfilling.  Now they have gone on with their lives, and I am empty again. 

This is a strange relationship now... to be married to someone who isn't giving, who doesn't respect health, nor cares much about anything but his drinking buddies. 

And, your sincere responses made me feel so good inside...that you cared enough to offer your comments.  Each and every one meant very much to me and helped me see more clearly. 

Thank you.  Love and blessings, Annie