The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't know how many times I have explained or need to exlpain to him that I simply don't want to be with him anymore. He insists that we should try harder, give it another chance...How can I make him understand I don't want want to try harder, don't want to give him another chance and am at a point that I don't care if he ever gets clean. I just want to be left alone. I want us to be adults about this, friends even. He is either begging or angry. He refuses to leave. The police have told him that there is nothing they can do to get him out. I feel so hopeless. I know it would just be easier and give up on my happiness and agree to let him stay, but I would continue to be miserable. I am miserable now though. When is it going to end?
Don't give up!!! There is light at the end of the tunnel. Can you run away mentally for awhile? How are your boundaries? Do you go to face to face meetings? Keep coming back to the Board for support. There is a lot of support and help here.
If he won't leave, maybe you will have to. If this is truly what you want, then you need to go for it, no matter whether he accepts it or not. May be a good idea to talk to a lawyer, just to get an idea of what you rights are. Remember, you cannot make another person do something, you can only do things yourself.
You know what? i have been drumming into my own head that I cannot control his addiction and his thoughts and actions that I truly did not stop to think that I cannot make him move either. I have already spoken to an attorney. But the problem is that I have been trying to get him to see reason and have been arguing with him that he needed to see things my way. I was banging my head against a wall and not even realizing it. Maybe I do need to get away for a while.
I read all the posts and most of them have good suggestions,,however I think you answered your own by saying "you might have to get away". Sometimes removing yourself from the situation can make you see things more clearer.Getting away is something we all need to do periodically if we can, I think that is a great idea for you. Keep close to alanon friends and remember you always have choices. Take care of YOU,,,,,,,,gardengal
Sounds like you will have to be the one to leave. And it is apparent to me you are not going to part as "friends." Don't bat yourself in the head trying for that. I do not necessarily mean that you will be adversaries, but friendship has little to do with your situation. Just go. Do not look back. Give yourself back to you; that's when it will end. Good luck, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
