The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I talked to a counsler yesterday and she gave me a number for husband that he could call and make an appointment to be seen and she gave me some good guidence on how to approach him with it. That is what I did today. I couldn't hold my feelings any longer on how his drinking affects me.(although I know I shouldn't let it bother me as bad as it does) I can't just sit by and wait and not do anything. Anyway I gave him the number told him how I have been feeling and all that and left the cell phone and walked out the door as I had to go to town. When I came home he had indeed called and set his appointment. Not sure where all this will go, only time will tell I suppose. I feel I have done all I can at this point. It will be up to him where he wants to take all this and what path he chooses. For me all I know at this point is that I can not continue like I have been, and if need be I can choose to walk away. When he left for work he looked very solom so maybe our talk has gave him some food for thought I don't know. To many thoughts running through my head right now...need to go clear it out a bit. Thanks to all for listening. Will post more later once I get my head clear so I can think straight.
Hi Feather this is a perfect time to practice "do Nothing" you have said how you feel and he rest is up to him. We cannot force others to do what we want , this is his problem to fix.
Yours is to decide if u can live with it and accept him just the way he is. Al-Anon will help u there. I hope you are attending f2f meetings u need support from people who understand exactly how your feeling . people who can pick up the phone on a bad day and who can go for coffee when u just need to talk . It's time to Let Go and Let God . good luck Louise
I admire the fact that you were able to hand him the number, tell him one time how you felt and walk away. Now I know I have a long way to go. I would have argued, cried and screamed and then sat there until I heard him make the call. Then I would have picked another arguement over whether I thought he would keep the appointment or not. You did great!!
thank you all for your words of encouragement. Powerless before you go congragulating me I was not able to do it without tears. Though I have learned to bite my tongue till it hurts, argueing about it has solved nothing and has produced no real efforts for either of us. There are not to much in way of alanon meetings around here.(draw back of rural towns i suppose) I have come across a few people that have been in the same situation as I am in now and they have proved to be a wonderful support to me. And of course I have you all here. Not the same as a real person but I have never been one good at speaking my feelings so what I did today took alot for me to do. I was going to do it yesterday but lost my nerve. During the conversation of today he tried to pull the manipulation tactics that I have learn to see coming a mile away. I just simply as I could state things as I see them. Walking away is not something that I want to do, but if I have to for the sake of my mind then I will. It truely is up to him where he takes this opportunity for help. If he doesn't go with it I know in my heart that I have tried all I can. I did give him the offer that if he wants me to go with him I will, but it is up to him to ask for that. I want to be supportive of him but at this moment I'm not sure how to best show him much more than I already have. Ok feel like I'm rambling now. Been a long day on top of the emotional state I am in. Maybe tonight will be one of good restful sleep.
I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I see you at the end of the rope looking for more rope and realizing there is none...I hate that place, but that is reality, the reality that we have to live with day in and day out...seems your support may have run out..oh no??? Thats what I thought. Seems for me that my support did nothing but stuff the problem away from sight, and the "oh no" part was that some tough choices needed to be made in order to go on...with life...no hiding for alittle longer, I can't the rope has grown short.
You state "Walking away is not something that I want to do, but if I have to for the sake of my mind then I will." Walking away, giving over preceived control is one of the hardest things I've ever faced, Its the best thing I do, when I do it..for me.
Feather keep looking in yourself for you and the strength to be you. You may find that you are no longer "unsure and afraid". I know I'm lookin, and while I fall frequently, I'm slowly findin that person, hoping same for you.
I don't know but my reply may have just added to the confusion you are feeling, I know the feeling well. The clouds do dissipate, the fog does lift and the sun does shine and with alittle help from you for you, the dread or the insecure feelings will as well....Take care of you Feather.
