Hi everyone--just some thoughts from the meeting earlier and my week:

I have an attitude of gratitude for my hp today. He has been patient with me while I have been in a process of stepping away from Him in a state of doubt and spiritual confusion. Several things happened last week :

including death of a young person (friend’s son)..then I saw some sad, disgusting & realistic war stuff on TV, then I almost poked my eye out literally on a nail while I was doing a household task, had my son do a very disrespectful thing to me and

the other son do a dangerous thing both-- boys needing very firm addressing. I was totally overwhelmed with life... wanted to really pull covers over my head for a couple days and not deal with anything. I melted down telling everyone in the house I could not cope with one more thing that worst day and did go to bed early and rent a funny/stupid (The Faulkers) movie for myself night.

Especially the death was a hard hit last week. Thank God for program and we can all support the mom for what she is going through. But it’s hard to see these things happen to people who work so hard at being happy and good…we used to talk about our sons and their similar addiction issues and now hers is gone.

I was just too close to dark side of life for several days and couldn’t reconcile it with a loving HP.

I had no willingness to do so…was just angry at life on life’s terms for a bit./but the absence of HP in my thinking was too much to bare made it worse. And stepping away was not gonna help me to cope with life

I prayed 4 willingness and In his time I got some answers about the dark stuff of life…and a wonderful dream about the big picture and

the spiritual reality that transcends all the physical seemingly dark stuff, enough so that I felt I could go n from there and trust that if I could see thee whole of what HP sees then it would make sense to me and it will someday when I can see through His eyes more.

I also got some insights to some things in my life where I need to ask 4 help and delegate so I am not so overwhelmed with the mundane tasks too. Even if it’s just a five minute task that I can give someone else it will free me up for more than that energy wise. (my day is filled with hundreds of five minute detail things)

Cuz I have been a bit stuck in my routine lately, doing so darn much for the family and only a little time 4 me and very few rewards from it. I am finding it so unsatisfying, so uncreative. I am extremely busy but also very bored with it all.

And the insights I received helped me see there are some things within the "system" here at home/work that I can do differently to feel more energized by my job. I can delegate more, I can make time for some creativity & creative writing.

I am an adult and I can choose some good things 4 myself with out needing anyone’s permission. For this I am grateful and for a HP that doesn’t turn his back on me even when I temporarily turn mine on Him for a bit.

Please say a prayer for Christopher (friend's young son who passed last week) if you would…he was and is a beautiful person and child of God..who I believe God has big plans for up there.

Thanks