The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
…and my God gently laughed. I have not been here for awhile. I have not been here for two reasons or so I thought. Now it seems there is there has been only one. I have been enjoying the heck out of myself by going to a beautiful State park and riding my trail bike eight very hilly miles around the big beautiful lake, wetlands and all on almost a daily basis. I have a disability with high demands, thus a lack of free time as with coming here. If I do one thing then I have to give another. The second reason, so I thought, is that my son was on his own for the most part. His alcohol and pot use has been un-problematic, paying his own rent, etc… so what need of Al-anon, right? Wrong. I just bailed my son out of jail—$100. He was caught on video shoplifting. I cannot throw stones for sure. I was big time addicted to shoplifting. It was an income for me. “I could not afford…” was always on my mind. I had very little money. However, my addiction had roots that entwined deeply. The roots were hurt, anger, vengeances, and so on.
Anyway, the first thing I said to my son as we left the police station is, when he called, “I thought I was going to hear it was for pot. I was prepared to tell you that you were on your own.” He had a startled look on his face for sure. His mother’s side of the family gave him this bible that at the top of the list is that family does not let family rot in jail no matter what they did.
My son is genuinely being very remorseful. I have let him know that I am angry, disappointed, worried, hopeful, etc. I have told him he is going to have to deal with the court, courts costs, and fines, repay K-mart at 15 times the value of the attempted stolen item, etc on his own, without help from me.
One of the things he said, “Dad, I saw them following me, I ditch it, I did not leave the store with it.” The inference is that technically he did not steal it. I said tell that to the judge. They have him on video ditching it. That is enough. I told my son that he needs to own up to what he did and accept the consequences. I told him that I hope he does not skate on this that I want him to learn from this. I told him he has deep roots and is addicted to shoplifting as equally as he was to speed and alcohol. (Actually, it is a worse addiction… it’s not solid.) His whole mother’s side of the family had/has been skating through life—unsuccessfully for the most part though.
Well, so, my plan… not to need Al-anon… my God’s plan… here I am.
One more thing… I was so upset, so depressed when I got home… my cats; Pain & Pest… meet me at the door needing petting and reassurance. They cannot reason my bad mood and reluctance to give… so I do what I gotta do and pet them… you know, that allowed me to feel better. That’s not so odd, hun?
Maybe the bible should have said, "Nobody in the family GOES to jail." Be that as it may, I feel that as long as you continue to "bail him out" of trouble, you can expect recurrences. It is only when you stomp a firm foot onto the ground and proclaim that you will no longer be his keeper in any way can you expect improvement.
But we all do what we think we must.
Good luck, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata