Hello friends,

I am still out of town helping my parents. I plan to stay with them longer to help them get settled into their cabin too in Canada. We plan to leave to Canada on Thursday. I am not sure if I will have a computer to use there yet or not but will sure come online if I find one to use. This visit has been both happy and sad for me. I am enjoying my parents so very much but my mom's alzheimers has progressed and that part has been extremely hard on me. I will cry alot when I get back home and grieve some more for this awful disease that she has. Yesterday she finally let me comfort her after I saw her crying because she knows she is losing her memory but denies it is alzheimers. I used do much energy to not cry because I want to be strong for them. Mom shared how scared she is and that broke my heart! I feel so helpless for her and I know she feels helpless too. She can't even figure out how to fry hamburger anymore. She gets the washing machine and the dryer mixed up. etc .etc etc. She is at the stage where she knows she is losing her memory and she is so upset inside and tries not to show it. I sure could use prayers now for mom, dad and me. MY daughter is still struggling after the suicide of her friend. My husband is dealing with his non alanon skills back home with her and I feel torn between going home and staying here helping my parents. HP/God wants me here with my parents now to help them settle in more and get a routine going. My daughter has her AA group to go to but I do miss her alot. She still hasn't found a job and she could use prayers for her to find a job in the town she lives in. With her past misdemeaner records from minor in consumption and her driving point record from her being irresponsible, it is making it hard to find a job with low stress for her. In the meantime it is putting financial strain on us too since hubby co-signed her apartment lease. She hardly asks for money and lives on very little. She has a lot of pride and is trying hard to find a job. Some work makes her nervous and will make her want to drink so she is looking for a job that will help her sobriety.

I miss all of you so much! My place in my life now is to be with my mom and dad for now. At least for the next week. Dad still has congestive heart failure but seems to be happy here in ND and has some reduced stress now with me being with mom. She asks alot of the same questions and I will tell her to ask me or show me what she means so that has been a good break for my dad. I can hear my dear friend Sooner asking me how I feel now,:) Well, if you read this sooner, I feel very helpless yet I feel secure knowing that I am able to be here with my mom now and help her adjust and that I can show her love. I feel alot of love from my mom and dad now too. They are wonderful people! Dad hasn't said anything  mean or unkind to me and he is so kind to my mom. I can tell he appreciates me so much right now and so does mom. How I feel when I go back home will be a different story. I will need to continue grieving and venting here.

I hope all my friends here are doing the best you can for today. One day at a time is what we need to do. OR, One hour at a time. I am at my son's apartment now using his computer. He will be moving to another town the latter part of the month. So, I get to see him too when he comes over to see his grandma and grandpa. Then, things will change for him when he moves away and starts a new job and career. So there are alot of changes in all my families' lives now.

I am so thankful for my alanon skills. I am using them all the time now for all kinds of situations. I am able to be stable and happy because of them. I am also able to take care of me and detatch with love from the people I need to so I don't become over consumed or ill.  You all take care~ your friend in recovery, cdb :)